


A Pack of Our Own

by Attibones, Danpikat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alpha Sirius Black, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Animagus Bestiality, Explicit Language, Fluff, Full Shift Werewolves, Hurt/Comfort, Knotting, M/M, Mild Gore, Mpreg, Old Married Couple, Omega Remus Lupin, Oral Sex, Peter Pettigrew is Secret-Keeper, Remus Lupin Lives, Sirius Black Lives, Soul Bond, Violence, man buns, small amounts of fluff because I'm not a monster, stevie nicks is a goddess, werewolf!Sirius
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:51:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8170529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attibones/pseuds/Attibones, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danpikat/pseuds/Danpikat
Summary: Remus and Sirius want to start a family, but then Peter Pettigrew betrays James and Lily as their Secret-Keeper. With both the parents dead, it is up to Remus and Sirius to raise Harry. If that wasn't enough, trouble brews below the surface as Remus comes to terms with his changing Pack roles.





	1. We're Not Ready for This

**Author's Note:**

> I've been plotting this one quite a bit. I am hoping to shake up the A/B/O thing just a little. I'm also super heavily obsessed with small minor details (I'm even writing a code of conduct for civilized werewolves), so this work should be nice and long and hopefully not too complicated. We won't see any of the A/B/O coming in for a few chapters because it will require a fair bit of build up. 
> 
> I'm still editing. If you see any spelling or punctuation errors, please let me know. I love reading everyone's comments, so please don't be shy.

A chilly wind blew over the four friends, each only twenty-one years old. The sun had risen to give rise to a foggy, cloudy, slightly drizzly day, a perfect end to their tumultuous full moon. James Potter leaned against the ancient tree they sat in front of. His best friends Sirius and Remus Lupin lay on their backs as they recovered. Both had deep cuts and scrapes and bite marks littering their bodies. A full moon was always harder for them than James or even Peter Pettigrew who always struggled to keep up with the pack and out of the way of their hooves and paws and fierce jaws. None of them realized it would be their last full moon together.

James turned to glance at Peter who had pulled from his pocket yesterday’s copy of _The Daily Prophet_.

“Well, Marauders, if you’re all done getting the feeling back in your bones, I’ve got a wife and child to get back to,” James said. His son had had his first birthday a few months ago. Now, nearly at the end of October, Harry was getting even more difficult to handle in all the best ways possible. He wanted to explore everything by way of putting everything into his mouth. He was running both James and Lily ragged with all his yearling adventures.

Remus shifted closer to Sirius. They had been the first to pair off and marry, though they had eloped at halfway through sixth year at Hogwarts really. They were better when they were together. Peter remained the only one without a partner. He was terrible at dating, but it didn’t really matter anymore anyway. He had other priorities he kept secret.

“Oi! Lupins!” James was always frustrated when no one listened to him.

“You don’t have to be so loud,” Remus muttered as he settled his head on Sirius’s chest. Sirius ran his fingers through Remus’s tangled tawny hair. “I feel sick.”

“That’s what you get for swallowing rabbits whole,” Peter chipped in.

“Ugh. Sirius, take me home.” He struggled to his feet and helped Sirius up too.

“I’ll see you Monday, Peter,” Sirius promised as he took Remus’s offered hand. Remus waved slightly with his free hand before Apparating away with Sirius. Sirius and James worked together in the Auror department. They were still officially in training, but they were so close to the end of it that they got to do hours of paperwork. Riveting work, honestly. Lately, with James and Lily and baby Harry still hiding from whatever, he’d been doing most of his work at home. But Peter, their Secret-Keeper, still worked in the Ministry of Magic too, so at least Sirius had that.

Peter and James went their separate ways then, too. Something was different between the four of them but no one could quite figure out how. Perhaps this was growing up. Perhaps this was the way the real world worked.

Back at their small flat, Sirius and Remus worked off the last of their full moon hangovers. “You want tea?" Sirius asked Remus as he dragged himself to the kitchen to start the kettle. He didn’t need to see Remus’s head nod slowly to know the answer.

“Next time, remind me to chew my food,” Remus mumbled. His body ached and his stomach rolled. It had been a very difficult moon for the werewolf. He hadn’t felt right in his own fur. It had been something he’d been feeling for a long time, but last night was particularly unnerving. He knew something was off.

Remus had drifted off to sleep on the sofa by the time Sirius joined him with two cups of green tea. Sirius draped an arm around Remus’s shoulders and pulled him close. His movements woke Remus who tucked his head against Sirius’s neck. “Something strange happened last night,” he said. “Everything feels different today.”

“I feel it too. It’ll pass,” Sirius said, forever optimistic that his life would be exactly as it was right after the group of friends had finished at Hogwarts. He couldn’t know just how wrong he was. “I miss James, though.” He and Lily were being hunted by Voldemort. Sirius had been asked to keep their secrets but he’d panicked and said he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t find their house to visit. Any social calls needed to be made outside of the Potter home, but those were few and far between. They spent evenings at the Lupin place, and once a month, all four Marauders met for a full moon.

“I miss him too. He has to take care of our godson though,” Remus agreed. It was weird that they even had one.

“How would you feel about us having a family? One day, I mean, obviously not now while we’re still figuring everything out.”

Remus smiled against Sirius’s neck. He leaned up to kiss Sirius on the jaw. “I’d like that, whenever it happens, however it does.” Sirius chuckled at something he’d thought about. “What?”

“You want to have _puppies_ with me, you pouf,” he said.

“Shut up.” Remus reached up to swat at Sirius’s head. But he had to laugh anyway. “Yeah, puppies.” Sirius caught Remus’s lips against his own. The thought of them having a family of their own made him feel incredibly peaceful, and a little aroused, but mostly peaceful. Remus pulled away from Sirius after a few moments, and stifling a yawn, he asked, “You wanna come to bed with me?”

“I’ll go to bed with you, but I’m not in the mood for sleeping.”

“Tough. I’m tired. I’m sleeping. You can play with yourself all you want until I wake up. Won’t bother me.” Remus had a smirk on his lips as he pulled himself up to his feet. He stretched with his arms raised above his head. Then, with the warm tea in one hand, he made his way to the bedroom to collapse into their inviting bed.

Three days later, on Halloween night, their world changed forever. Lily and James were dead, betrayed by Peter Pettigrew, given over to the Dark Lord. The baby, bless him, was alive and well, save for a strangely shaped cut on his head. So far, Peter had not been captured.

Sirius had tried not to fall to pieces, but it was impossible for Remus who was always more level-headed anyway, so it was impossible for Sirius. They didn’t know how to handle the grief, the betrayal. Their two best friends were dead by the hand of the boy that had once called “friend.” Of course hatred coursed through Sirius’s body at the sound of Peter’s name. It had been so easy for him to believe that Peter had killed his friends. It had been so easy for the shock to fall away into anger. Remus, on the other hand, was still attempting to sort things out in his mind, to come to terms with everything in a neatly compartmentalized way. It would be a few days before he would realize that Lily’s death, James’s death, they didn’t fit neatly into anything. They’d been cursed by the darkest wizard of the millennium.

It had rained all week, but on the day of the Potters’ funeral, the heavy pelting of rain had lightened to an annoying sprinkle. Sirius gripped Remus tightly as he watched the caretakers of the cemetery lower first Lily, then James into the ground. His sob started as a gasp and then quickly overwhelmed him. His legs went weak. His vision blurred. He felt as though all his blood had been replaced with ice water. Sirius buried his face into Remus’s chest, his tears staining the taller man’s best robes. Remus wrapped his arms around his husband, weeping into his hair. None of it made any sense. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. Peter still had not paid for his crimes.

Somehow they found themselves back home with Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall sitting in the arm chairs across from the sofa where the couple sat bereft and barely breathing. Sirius didn’t remember Apparating. He didn’t remember walking. Remus, too, felt like the funeral had been a blur. There had been many other members of the Order of the Phoenix at the funeral, but Remus didn’t recall if he’d shared words with any of them. He didn’t remember anything but the lowering of the coffins, and the desperate way Sirius clung to him.

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Remus asked. Albus had been talking. McGonagall had the baby in her arms. Remus had been so lost in his own head and his own grief that he hadn’t paid any attention to what either of the other two had said.

“Legally, you are the boy’s godfathers,” McGonagall said. “We have the Potters’ will.”

“Of course, if you do not feel you are prepared to take Harry under your protection, the next option would be the Dursleys. Harry could live with his Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, should you feel you are not fit for the task of parenthood,” clarified Dumbledore.

“Live with Muggles?” Sirius asked, his voice quiet and rough. “He should stay with us. We promised James…” The thought of his brother who wasn’t pained Sirius again. He felt Remus lean into him, setting his head on Sirius’s shoulder.

“We can’t take him, Albus,” Remus said.

“What? You told me just a few days ago that you wanted to have a family with me and now you’re changing your mind?” Sirius accused. He shoved Remus off of him so they could stare at each other, or glare, in Sirius’s case.

“I didn’t mean right now! I didn’t mean we should raise James and Lily’s baby for them. I didn’t mean at the cost of our friends. Besides, Sirius, it’s not safe for him here, not with my condition. He could get hurt or killed and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself,” Remus countered.

“So, what, you want him to live with those awful Muggles? Lily’s sister hated her, Remus, she hated Lily, and she’ll resent Harry. Better he grew up with us so he could learn about his parents and learn about magic and just how talented they were than growing up in that house like a squib.” Harry stirred, apparently disrupted by the yelling. Sirius pushed himself violently off the sofa so he could take Harry into his arms. He knew he wasn’t ready to be a parent or mature enough or anything like that, but Harry was a Marauder by birth, and Marauders always took care of each other.

“Remus, please. He’s all we have left of them. He’s the only thing we have left of our friends,” Sirius had softened his voice for the baby’s sake who was now awake and pulling at Sirius’s long disheveled hair. Sirius smiled sadly at the boy, then looked back at Remus. “He’s _our_ godson.”

Remus sighed. Sirius usually got his way in the end. How could he have thought that today would be any different?

“All right. But you’re in charge of finding him a sitter for full moons. I won’t go through those alone.”

Sirius smiled, but it never reached his eyes. “Did any of his things make it?” he asked McGonagall.

She shook her head. “The curse caused massive damage to the house. How Harry survived the destruction, I’ll never know. Remus, Sirius, I am so sorry for your loss.”

With that, McGonagall handed Remus the copy of the Potters’ will, and she and Dumbledore left the flat in the Muggle side of London.

Silence hung in the air as if all three of them, Remus, Sirius, and now Harry, were trying to adjust to what had just happened. The two barely-adults were guardians of this tiny creature, this little boy who looked so much like their late friend. “D’you want to hold him, Remus?” Sirius asked softly after several minutes. Remus thought about it for a moment, nodded his head, and held his arms out for the baby. It would take a considerable amount of work, and soon they would have to begin paperwork at the Ministry to make it all official, but Remus and Sirius were all of a sudden parents.


	2. The Hunter's Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having had Harry for six years, Sirius and Remus have discussions about continuing their family. An eventful full moon leaves Remus emotional.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few bloody bits in this chapter. It is also significantly longer than the previous chapter. There wasn't a good place to divide it into two. I hope you'll forgive me. 
> 
> I'm very excited about this work. I hope you all continue to enjoy it. I hope to have another chapter up tomorrow (October 2, 2016, for those of you reading this in the future). 
> 
> Still editing, please let me know if you see any errors. I love you all.

Remus had hoped that five years of raising a child would make things easier. He had hoped that he and Sirius would develop this perfect routine that made everyone happy. He had hoped he would be able to work while little Harry (legally Harry James Lupin, though they used Potter for most things to honor Harry’s parents) went to the wizarding primary schools and daycares. It didn’t work out like that, of course. Nothing could possibly be easy for him.

It was very difficult for Remus to find work in the wizarding world. No one wanted to hire a werewolf. He wouldn’t tell his prospective employers what he was, but it only took a quick background check to realize he was a registered wolf. In the five years he’d been a parent, Remus had held two jobs for less than six months each, which left most of the responsibility for providing for their family to Sirius who had inherited from an uncle a sizeable amount of money. He also had recently received the Black fortune since both his parents and younger brother were all dead. Sirius had never cared for any of them.

It wasn’t that money was exactly tight, but Remus had quickly grown bored with playing housewife. He had decided to take up a job at a Muggle library, finding the job satisfying, quiet, and uncomplicated. Sirius, who had left the Auror department in order to help fight the good fight for werewolf equality, had taken beautifully to parenthood, but, truth be told, he was terrible at disciplining Harry. More than anything else, Sirius loved to _encourage_ Harry’s mischief. He was great at stories and playtime and had loved feeding Harry when he was still very small. But now they had a six year old on their hands. He was funny and clever and far too interested in stealing one of his parents’ wands.

“Taddy, I don’t want to go!” Harry announced after Remus had told him that he was going to stay with the Weasleys for a night. They had a full moon to look forward to, and Harry loved playing with Molly’s youngest boy, Ron. They were the same age.

“Sirius, help me,” Remus said as he tried to pull a jumper over the boy’s head.

“No, Taddy,” Harry demanded. That had been one of the hardest parts about adjusting to Life with Harry. What was he supposed to call Remus and Sirius? Neither of them were comfortable with Harry calling them “dad” because they wanted Harry to know who his dad really was. So they’d decided on Tad or Taddy for Remus and Pop (or usually Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop) for Sirius. Harry had rather taken to Sirius’s name. He liked the way it sounded as it popped off his lips like a sizeable bubble.

Sirius set down Harry’s bag on the counter and dropped onto his knees. He opened his arms up for their son and invited him in with Harry’s favorite words. “Do you want to play a game?”

Harry ran to Sirius who caught him and lifted him up into the air just a smidge. The kid was getting heavy, after all. “Whoever gets his jumper on the fastest wins,” Sirius announced.

“Wins what, Pop?” Harry asked.

“I’ve got a chocolate frog for the winner.” Sirius was not above bribery. In a matter of minutes Harry won the competition and the chocolate frog. His jumper was on, so Remus was happy. Remus was happy, so Sirius was happy. Harry hadn’t even noticed that Sirius and Remus were already wearing their sweaters.

Sirius gave Remus a concerned look after he sent Harry to go get his favorite bear. “Are you still mad at me?” he asked. Remus stood facing Sirius in the kitchen, his back against the kitchen counter. Sirius came close to him, set his hands on Remus’s hips, and tried to kiss him, but Remus pulled away. “You are still mad.”

“I have the right to be angry.”

“No one said you didn’t. I just don’t understand,” Sirius said quietly. They’d been arguing all morning. Perhaps that was why Harry didn’t want to visit the Weasleys. It was a full moon which always set Remus on edge, and the boy hated being away from his adoptive parents when they were tense. It made him anxious.

“I just don’t think this is the right time for us to have a baby, that’s all.” Except earlier, Remus hadn’t been so calm about it. He’d been pissed, and Sirius had only made matters worse by goading him into a full-blown screaming match. Sirius was often an idiot.

“You told me five years ago that you wanted a family with me—“

“We have a family, Sirius.”

“Yeah, but, maybe I want more than just Harry. He wants siblings. He’s obsessed with the idea. I like kids. I want at least two more. And I just… I don’t know why you don’t want that.”

“It’s not that I don’t want that, but after what happened last month, I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” sighed Remus. He’d had an awful moon the month before. They’d gone out to this deep corner of the woods, set up protection and warding spells, and still Remus had found a little kid just across the barrier that kept Remus from eating the kid. He hadn’t hurt him, but he’d wanted to. Lately every full moon was difficult. He was becoming more and more aware that something just wasn’t right with him.

“You’d never hurt one of our own,” Sirius said. He was completely confident that something inside Remus would still be able to recognize family. The wolf knew who Pack was, right now just Sirius, and they fought, but Moony had never tried to hurt Padfoot.

“You can’t know that for sure.”

“I think you believe you are worse than you are. I’ve known you for fifteen years, Remus. The only person you’ve ever hurt is you.”

“Still mad at you,” Remus said weakly. He pushed Sirius off of him and headed back to Harry’s room to see what was keeping him. Sirius frowned in his direction, but he dropped the issue. They had to get to Molly and Arthur’s anyway.

They took the floo to The Burrow where Molly greeted the boys cheerfully. She was always happy to see Remus and Sirius and especially Harry. They’d been in the Order together and it was inevitable that she offered to babysit. Harry and Ron got along famously, of course.

“Thanks for watching him for us, Molly,” Remus said as Sirius dusted the soot off Harry’s face. He’d be dirty again soon anyway. He and Ron loved to play with the garden gnomes.

“Stop, Pop,” the little boy groaned. He tried to escape Sirius who also had to clean off the little boy’s glasses. He hated having his things tidied. “I wanna play with Ron.”

“He’s in the garden, Harry dear,” Molly said. “Come on. Just let me know if you need more than a night, Remus. He’s no trouble at all.”

“Of course he’s trouble. You know who his father is,” Sirius said with a smirk.

“I also know who has raised him. At least he’s got one sensible parent,” she countered with a wink for Remus. She had always thought he was handsome.

“Thank you, again, Molly. We’ll be back tomorrow around noon. Come here, Harry. Tad and Pop have to go now,” Remus said as he knelt so Harry could give them each a hug and a kiss. “Please behave.”

They left The Burrow shortly after. They had a while to go before the sunset, but they had plenty to do.

“Where are we going today, Remus?” Sirius asked. They liked to rotate locations. It made things interesting, and it lowered the risk of getting caught by curious Muggles or other magic folk.

“Forest of Dean,” Remus said tersely. He kept walking swiftly down the path away from the Weasley homestead. Sirius had been irritating him all day with his talk of continuing their family. He couldn’t tell Sirius how he really felt, that he desperately wanted at least one more little pup running around the house and causing chaos. He was sure, though, that bringing in another child while the wolf was feeling so disquiet was a terrible idea.

“Remus, wait,” Sirius whined as he worked to meet Remus’s strides. He was shorter than Remus by a few inches, and Remus used his longer legs against Sirius when it suited him. “What’s your rush? We’ve got plenty of time to get there.”

They wouldn’t be walking the whole way, either, but Remus liked walking these hills. The sun was setting earlier and earlier now that they had entered October again. They weren’t far at all from the anniversary of the Potters’ murder, of Pettigrew’s escape, of gaining custody of Harry. Perhaps that was part of Remus’s agitation.

Remus didn’t slow down for Sirius, so Sirius increased his pace until he was side-by-side with Remus. He grabbed the taller man’s hand and pulled him so Remus had to look at him.  
“I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry that I called you an idiot and irrational and selfish. None of those things are true. They’re probably more accurate descriptors for me, and I won’t hold it against you if you need to call me any of those things now,” Sirius said.

“Sirius, no, we need to keep going. Can’t it wait?”

“No. You’re mad at me, and I can’t stand it.”

“You were rude and cruel.”

“I was. I’m sorry.”

“You said that I didn’t care about what you wanted.”

“I did say that. It’s not true. I know that it isn’t.”

“You said that I don’t appreciate anything you do for us, and that I wished we had never taken Harry.”

Sirius wasn’t sure he liked where this was going now. He pulled his lower lip into his mouth to chew it while Remus continued to rehash every nasty thing Sirius had said to him.

  
“You said you’re a better parent. You said I don’t love him enough because I don’t want to give him sibling right now. I just want us to be sure that everything is safe for him let alone another baby. I love him, Sirius, and I love you. I’m not a shitty parent. I have never once regretted adopting him with you. I appreciate everything you give up for us. I want to make you happy. So, yes, I’m a little mad at you. Something’s not _right_ with me, Sirius. I don’t know what’s going on, but I can feel something weird is happening to me. I don’t understand it. Something’s _wrong_ , and I don’t know what it is, so I’m not going to bring another child into our house until I know what it is,” Remus finished. He pulled his hand away from Sirius and turned again toward the dirt road they were following.

“Do you—do you need to see a healer?” Sirius asked. He gave Remus his space this time. They could talk without being so close.

“I don’t think so, but I don’t know. It feels like something’s missing,” Remus said.

Sirius wanted to ask, “Like a baby?” but he knew it would not be well received. Instead he said, “Do want me to leave you alone?”

Remus stopped and considered the offer. “Sirius, I need you. I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that if you aren’t by my side, I can’t face it. I know in my gut that doing this by myself is going to make everything worse.” Slowly he held out a hand, which Sirius took gently. “I know you didn’t mean any of what you said. I know that you say things you don’t mean when you feel hurt. You lash out, kind of like Harry does when we’ve told him he can’t do something.”

Sirius raised their joined hands to his lips and kissed Remus’s scarred knuckles. “I need to work on that. I’m not going to say those kinds of things to you anymore,” he decided.

“And I’ll stop telling you I’m not going to do something you want without giving you a full explanation. I was wrong too.”

“Can I please kiss you now?” Sirius asked. He liked snogging Remus more than just about anything. He certainly liked it more than arguing or talking about how they were both incredibly fucked up. Remus answered Sirius with a smile and a short kiss. He hadn’t entirely forgiven Sirius after all.

By the time they made it to Remus’s favorite spot in the Forest of Dean where the woods were thick until they cleared up around the Wye, the sun was low in the sky. This time of year the river would be too cold for any amount of swimming, but Remus liked the area anyway. Quickly the pair set up the appropriate wards, then Sirius had the task of testing them out by running full force at the barriers to make sure nothing could come through. This was also a little bit of punishment, since Remus knew good and well that the spells would hold.

Remus leaned against a young tree while he watched Sirius shift. They had strung a bag for their belongings onto the branch of a healthy larch at the edge of their perimeter. The tree had been scored many times by James’s antlers and had later had the Marauders’ initials carved into the trunk, though Sirius had eventually crossed out Pettigrew’s letters.

Padfoot stretched out on his belly in the cool grass, enjoying the breeze at it ruffled his black fur. Remus spied a deer drinking from the edge of the river, wondering if she’d be his dinner tonight. The deer was not disturbed by the animagus and werewolf, nor did they bring any attention to themselves. They just watched and waited.

The forest darkened quickly, the Hunter’s Moon rising fat and full above them, illuminating the clearing and trickling into the woods. Sirius whined as Remus panted, his body twisting painfully into its new shape. When finally Remus’s transformation was complete, he stood on all fours shuddering and growling. Padfoot approached him cautiously, his body language non-threatening. He settled back onto his stomach in front of Moony, let the wolf smell him and remember who he was, and then licked at Moony’s lips and cheek. Satisfied that this was Pack and, more importantly, Mate, Moony nudged Padfoot’s face with his own and nibbled his ear. He was rewarded with enthusiastic tail wagging, then they were on their way.

Official Pack business meant wolf and dog needed to mark their territory, find a kill, and mate, usually in exactly that order. So off they went with Moony leading the way, his ears back and his hackles raised in agitation. Every time Padfoot paused to mark a tree or a rock or a bush or whatever he found, Moony turned to mark over his scent. That was the way it all worked, of course. Moony was Alpha of his Pack. Padfoot’s scent could not be more predominant than his own. Still, something inside Moony didn’t want to over-mark. They marked around the perimeter first then wandered deeper into the thick of the woods. Padfoot followed the trail of a family of rabbits, but lost them in a burrow. He barked in frustration as he dug at the burrow’s entrance, hoping to make the gap wide enough to at least shove his head through, but Moony called to him with a bark of his own. Padfoot whined and snorted at his quarry before he reluctantly turned back to the wolf who had caught sight of something easier and larger. A herd of deer stepped cautiously through the brush. The tawny wolf sat patiently, assessing the situation. They were nervous. They could smell the wolf and his dog, but they couldn’t see him. Padfoot carelessly snapped a twig, which sent the herd off in the other direction. Moony growled but followed the deer anyway. They lost them outside of the barrier for a while.

Moony was aggravated but Padfoot was feeling playful. He nipped Moony’s flank and dropped into a play bow, his tail wagging invitingly. Moony was always so serious. Padfoot bounced around Moony, licking him when he came close enough, barking when he was further away. He rubbed himself against Moony’s side, took his scruff in his mouth, and tugged. Finally Moony gave in. The deer weren’t coming back. Moony ran after Padfoot. The dog barked to declare his success. Finally the wolf was playing. He yelped when Moony tackled him, and they rolled together for a few feet. Padfoot growled playfully as he gathered his feet and lowered into a prey stance. He crept forward, keeping his eyes on Moony who was crouched and waiting. Finally Padfoot sprang like a coil at Moony, but the wolf was faster; they met in a loud collision of play barks and growls and snarls, sounding more like bear cubs than a wolf or dog. When they finally settled, Padfoot set his head over Moony’s forearm as the wolf affectionately licked the top of his head.

Moony caught the scent of something in the slight breeze. Trees and squirrel, raccoon and bird, and something good to eat. There were deer in the forest, but it was not deer on the air. Moony stood, raised his head for a good sniff, and then led the way. Padfoot followed closely behind. Silently they followed the scent until they could hear the squealing of an injured wild boar. It was small and weakened by an injured leg. Moony’s mouth watered. He bumped Padfoot with his nose. They split up, Padfoot on the right flank, Moony on the left. The wind changed and carried Moony’s scent to the boar who grunted and fled. It wasn’t fast enough for the two able-bodied hunters. They were in prime condition, healthy, well-built, with the full use of each of their limbs. The boar came down with a fight, attempting to gouge either of its attackers with its tusks. It scored Padfoot’s shoulder but not badly. He had a grip on the boar’s neck and shook, ripping a piece of the flesh away. The pig bled freely, but Pads had not ripped the jugular. He went back for it, the blood covering his face, and succeeded, all while Moony broke the creature’s back leg and tore it almost completely from the body.

When the boar fell dead to the forest floor, Moony raised a hunter’s howl to the moon. Padfoot joined him with his slightly higher pitched note. It was his first kill in a long time. Usually Moony was the one who ended the battle. From far way, another wolf picked up the tune. Whether he was werewolf or not, they couldn’t be sure, but he was well away tonight.

Moony licked the blood off his lips, ready to dig into the gut of this creature, but Padfoot broke rank and helped himself first. He opened the fresh kill with a fearsome bite, only to be rewarded with a nasty warning snarl from Moony. Padfoot growled in kind as he continued, but he was pushing his luck. Moony rammed into him. Padfoot, not one to back down from a fight and fueled by the energy of his kill, answered Moony by biting his cheek and snarling back. Moony yelped but managed to get a few bites of Padfoot’s smaller face, forcing the dog to release him. They circled each other with tails out and stiff and lips raised in a gruesome grin. Blood and spit dripped from each of their mouths. Padfoot attacked again, this time grabbing Moony’s shoulder between his teeth and hanging on even when Moony dug his fangs into Padfoot’s flank. They broke again, reared, and met tooth to tooth. Padfoot ducked to the side so he could take Moony’s throat in his mouth. He clamped and slowly worked more of the fur into his mouth until he had pierced Moony’s flesh. He held his position, his claws digging into the fertile earth below him while Moony backed up and tore Padfoot’s ear to ribbons. He was able to lose Padfoot when the dog opened his mouth so he could take a deeper bite. He ran to the left of Padfoot and ducked into the bushes.

Padfoot stood bloody and panting but successful. He’d won the right to eat the boar first. He approached the kill again and pulled off a sizeable hunk of flesh. He was stunned by Moony’s swift side-attack. The wolf came at him silently and at full-speed. His jaws were ready for Padfoot. When he collided with Padfoot’s solid frame, he took the dog’s forearm in his mouth and shook with all his might, shattering the bone and forcing a terrified yell from the dog. Padfoot fell to his other side, whimpering and whining, no longer even fighting, just hoping it would stop.

But Moony would not stop. The hot blood in his lips fueled him like gas to a fire. He pounced again, this time landing harshly over the dog’s neck. He grabbed Padfoot by the scruff and sank his long fangs into tender flesh. He held Padfoot down until the dog was panting but quiet. Mate was not Alpha. Moony was Alpha. A quiet voice deep in the wolf’s gut disagreed. He turned back to _his_ kill. He dove into the gut of the pig and disemboweled it. As he sucked down the tripe, he threw a warning snarl at Padfoot who was not moving. He wouldn’t move for the rest of the night.

By the time Moony had had his fill, the moon was setting in the horizon. He watched the sun timidly rise, giving way to another grey morning. Moony settled down against an elm tree, feeling full and dissatisfied.

As his bones changed shape and he lost his fur coat, Remus came back to himself. He was covered in blood. He took inventory of his wounds. A deep wound on his cheek to add to the collection of scars there. Punctures on his throat. He couldn’t see the wound on his shoulder, but, oh, how it ached. His lip was cut, of course, and he had a few other scrapes and punctures on his arms and legs. The boar still tasted fresh in his mouth, and Remus picked a bit of flesh from between his teeth.

Usually by now Sirius would be with him to give him a joke or to kiss him or just to sit with him. Remus scanned the area, noticing first the boar, and then Padfoot. At first he thought the dog was asleep, but then Remus smelled the blood, and his stomach dropped.

“Sirius,” he gasped, as he ran naked to the bloody dog. He had a huge gash on his forearm which was bent at a disturbing angle. It had swollen about three times larger than it was supposed to be. His ear was destroyed, and he had a massive gash on left flank. In the dim light of early morning, plus with Sirius’s dark coat, it was difficult to see the rest of the damage. “Oh, fuck, fuck, Sirius, don’t—don’t you die on me, okay? This is going to hurt.” Padfoot opened one eye and winced as Remus scooped him up. He barely had his land legs back, but he summoned some kind of inner strength to pull the heavy dog off the ground and take him back to the Marauders’ tree. Remus’s wand was in the bag hanging off a branch. He could not Apparate Sirius in this condition.

Delicately he lowered Sirius to the ground, freeing his now significantly bloodier arms to reach the bag. He dug out his wand and cast a charm to help with the pain, then to begin to stitch Sirius back together. It was a crude job, but it would do.

“Sirius, can you shift?” Remus asked Sirius, his eyes wide and his heart pounding in his chest. The dog just whined and closed his eyes again. Remus threw the bag over his shoulder, took Sirius back in his arms and Apparated them to their house. He needed a healer. He needed someone who wouldn’t send Remus to Azkaban for this. Only one name came to mind: Madam Pomfrey who had treated him so kindly during his days at Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Remus brushes his teeth before Madam Pomfrey sees him.


	3. Restless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius begins to recover. Remus walks in on a super sweet moment between Sirius and Harry. Things are cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy. Still editing. You know the drill.

Remus set Sirius down on the kitchen table, mindful of his badly injured arm. His rough healing spells were fading, evidently, because Sirius whimpered as he tried to shift his body weight. Remus grabbed a pinch of floo powder and made a rather urgent call to Hogwarts. The healer agreed to come over. She had to grab a few supplies, but she would be there.

While they waited, Remus dashed to the bathroom he shared with Sirius and unlocked the cabinet where they kept their potions. While Remus had proved to be challenged at potion making, Sirius had a natural talent for it, which probably saved all the other three Marauders from flunking their O.W.L.s. Sirius liked to keep a few things on hand in case Harry did something stupid as he came into his magic. They had plenty of potions for minor injuries, and then there were also the sort that came in handy when Harry managed to steal either Sirius or Remus’s wand. There was a bottle of veritaserum, half empty. Hangover cure, nearly empty (Sirius liked to drink gin and tonic in the evenings). Two full bottles and one almost empty of Pepperup, mostly for Harry who was prone to colds. A small vial of Draught of Peace for the days before or after a full moon.

Remus swore. They’d used the last of the bottle for pain last week when Harry had fallen off his broom and sprained his wrist. Sirius had promised to make more, but evidently he had never gotten around to it. He locked the cabinet again and glared at his reflection in the mirror. He had lost control again last night. This time Sirius had taken the damage and could quite possibly perish because of it. This was Remus’s fault. It always was. He couldn’t count the number of times he had wounded his husband on a full moon. The wolf was always angry and unsettled. He liked to fight when things felt wrong, and lately things always felt wrong.

Remus was still naked, he realized as he stared his reflection down, almost willing the wolf to come out and fight Remus. He huffed as he stalked to his closet and pulled on a pair of pants and a shirt. He headed back to Sirius.

Sirius’s tail thumped softly against the wooden table as Remus sat in a chair beside him. He brushed back the dog’s thick fur and took a closer look at the shredded ear. It was crusted with dried blood now. The broken arm still looked terrible. Remus held his hand over the wound and felt it burning his skin without even touching it. It was still incredibly swollen. The deep punctures over the break still bled slowly.

“I’m so sorry, Sirius. I’m sorry,” Remus said quietly, his eyes glassy with tears that wouldn’t fall.

The fireplace came to life as Madam Pomfrey stepped through the floo. “Remus?” she asked. She had a large tote full of supplies. She hadn’t known exactly what she would need.

“We’re in the kitchen,” he called.

She took a steadying breath as she looked over the dog. “I can’t work on him like this. I’ll need him to shift,” she said. “Where’s your boy?”

“He’s with the Weasleys.”

“Keep him there for a while. You’re going to have your hands full.”

Sirius was too weak to force his body to change shapes, so Remus used his wand and cast a spell that gave Sirius no option. The dog’s pained whines quickly lowered in pitch to a man’s groan. Without a covering of fur, the wounds covering his body looked much worse. Remus noticed wounds he had not seen before: tears at his face and neck, a rip at the shoulder from the boar, deep bruises over the side of his rib cage.

Madam Pomfrey quickly set to work, first taking inventory of the injuries, asking Remus questions about each of them, and finally casting spells, pouring potions, and forcing Sirius to drink.

“Now the arm, what happened to his arm?” she asked.

“I, uh, I jumped him and bit his arm and shook.”

“And he was a dog the whole time?”

Remus nodded. “We’re very careful. He knows the danger.”

“Hurts,” Sirius said, reminding both healer and werewolf that he was still listening to them.

“I know, Sirius. Do you need anything? Are you thirsty?” Remus asked. Sirius shook his head.

Remus watched as Madam Pomfrey worked for a few hours, only ever leaving Sirius’s side to make some tea and fetch Sirius a pillow. The table wasn’t a comfortable surface to lie on but it was the best place for the healer to work.

When finally Sirius was patched up and looking far better, Pomfrey brought Remus out of the kitchen and into the sitting area. “I did what I could. That arm could fester, but I’ve done my best to clean it up. It’ll heal over time. If you see any changes, send me notice. I’ll be here as soon as I can,” she said.

“Of course,” Remus agreed.

“I’m going to speak with Professor Dumbledore about all this. You have to be more careful, Remus. If anything worse had happened, I assure you there would be a warrant for your execution right now. Keep your boy at the Weasleys until Sirius is healed. He must have absolutely no stress right now. Take him to bed, and don’t let him get up. Healing a shattered bone takes a lot of work. It’s going to hurt. If the swelling doesn’t go down in two days, let me know. We’ll have to drain it.” And with that, Madam Pomfrey returned to Hogwarts.

“Don’t be so mad at yourself. I’m alive, Remus,” Sirius said as Remus helped him get to the bed. His ear was properly fixed as were the rest of his injuries, save the injury to his arm and gash on his side. Both would need more time to heal and a course of several potions a day.

“You could have died,” Remus argued.

“Yeah, and you could have too.” Pomfrey had cleaned up Remus’s wounds as well, but none of his were so bad as to require bedrest.

“Don’t think you’re so strong that you can kill me, old dog.”

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes. “Just get me in bed, you lunatic.”

“You aren’t supposed to participate in any strenuous activities,” Remus said firmly. He knew that wasn’t what Sirius meant, but he hoped it could get Sirius to smile. It did.

“Who said it has to be strenuous for me? You could just suck me off. You’re brilliant with that pretty mouth of yours. I love watching you, those lovely lips wrapped around my cock and your tongue—“

“Sirius, stop it. You need to get in bed.”

“But I want to get in bed with you. I know you’re getting all hot and bothered just thinking about what you do to me.”

“Now is hardly appropriate.”

“When is it appropriate to suck off another bloke?”

“Sod off.”

“I’m trying to,” Sirius joked. Remus huffed. It was always difficult to get Sirius to actually be serious, though he supposed that he had been the one to start Sirius on his tangent.

“I solemnly swear that I, Remus Lupin, will properly suck off you, Sirius Lupin nee Black, as soon as your side is better and your arm is no longer at risk of infection.”

Sirius smirked. “Fine, but I, Sirius Lupin nee Black, do solemnly swear to forever torment you, Remus Lupin, until you cave and suck me off proper in the next hour or so.”

“If you can stay awake that long,” Remus added.

Pomfrey had given Sirius something for the pain, but one of the side effects was severe drowsiness. Even now, Sirius stifled a yawn as Remus got him into bed. He was asleep moments after Remus covered him with their sheet and duvet.

His dreams were confusing. In his dreams his feet were faster. His body was stronger. He was himself but not. He was Padfoot but not. Wolves howled in the distance. He ran through a forest of tall, bare trees, his feet hardly touching the forest floor. He ran and ran with no real destination. He wasn’t afraid though. He wasn’t running away from anything, but towards something. He knew he had to hurry to get there. Moony sat, serene, in a clearing, the full moon bright above him. Sirius joined him. Moony raised a howl to the stars, and Sirius answered. They took off running again. Moony disappeared. Sirius found and killed an injured boar. Suddenly Moony attacked him like he had actually done a few hours before the sun rose. Just as Moony broke Sirius’s arm, he woke again with a gasp.

Sirius looked down at his injured arm where it was bandaged. He took a few deep breaths to even out his breathing. His arm hurt again. He checked the room for Remus, but he was nowhere to be found. He threw the blankets off his body and slowly slipped out of bed. It was painful to walk with the bad gash on his side. Every step pulled at the wound just slightly, just enough to make him wince. He didn’t understand why Madam Pomfrey wanted him to stay in the bed. It was her usual prescription: bed rest and a potion, but Sirius _hated_ being still. He was terrible at it. Always had been. He tried to be as silent as possible as he snuck down the hallway, but of course Remus heard him. He should have known Remus would expect him to do this.

“Back to bed. Now,” Remus demanded.

“But Remy, I just want to—“

“No. Bed.”

“But I just—“

“No. No. Absolutely not. To bed with you, fiend,” Remus said as he abandoned his armchair and his newspaper and gripped Sirius’s good arm. “I’m sure you just forgot where the bed is, hm? I’ll help you find it.” Sirius argued but he didn’t have much of a choice but to follow.

“Well I’m hungry and I want to see Harry and I just don’t want to go to bed. Can’t I just stay with you? I’m so lonely in there by myself.”

Remus sighed as they entered the bedroom again. “What do you want to eat?”

“Take out? From that place around the corner?” Sirius asked. “The Panda Something-or-other.”

“Fine. You get in bed. I’ll pick up something. When I get back, I’ll keep you company, but you really should try to rest. How are you feeling?”

“Hungry and lonely, we _just_ talked about that,” Sirius said.

Remus rolled his eyes. “How’s the arm?” he clarified.

“You know, I would have thought that having a werewolf shatter the bone in my arm would hurt, but really it feels like I’m being tickled by a thousand feathers,” Sirius replied, sarcasm dripping off every word.

“Don’t be a prat, you git. I’ll bring you something for the pain, but you _have_ to stay in bed.”

“Why?”

“Because your arm is in serious need of healing and if you don’t get rest, it’s not going to heal. If you bump it, you’ll make it worse. If anything gets into that wound, it’s going to get infected and you’ll lose your arm.”

“I don’t want to lose my arm. I’m rather attached to it,” Sirius teased with a broad grin. Remus sighed. There was never any rest for him with Sirius around.

Harry came back two days later. Sirius was still confined to bed and growing more difficult by the hour. At least he had Harry to keep him happy. Remus had to get back to his little library, but he couldn’t very well leave Sirius alone to care for the little boy and stay in bed (the two were counter-intuitive since Harry was about as active as Sirius), so he called on Andromeda Tonks, Sirius’s favorite cousin. She would have brought her daughter Nymphadora with her, but she was in her third year at Hogwarts and would not be home for a few more weeks.

Remus had been worried that Sirius would have convinced Andromeda to let him out of bed, but she was immune to his trickery and kept him full of potions that eased the intense pain in his arm (which sometimes felt as though it was boiling under his skin and spreading outwards) and made him drowsy. When Remus returned in the afternoon from the job that kept him sane (because as much as he loved Harry and Sirius they were _stressful_ ), he found Andromeda flipping through a copy of _The Quibbler_ and the house completely silent.

“Oh, you’re home, Remus? Both the boys are in your room. Lovely to see you again, but I best pop off,” she said. She kissed Remus’s cheek and took her leave.

It was eerie, the house being so silent, but when Remus checked his and Sirius’s bedroom, he saw why. Sirius was passed out, and curled up next to him was their six-years-old boy who had his head resting on Sirius’s chest. Remus smiled at the pair of them. For all the trouble those two managed to make, Sirius loved being a father, and he was good at it. Remus could see why he wanted more than one. He toed off his shoes and slipped into the bed on Harry’s side to sandwich the boy in between the two living people who loved him the most. He kissed the back of Harry’s head, while one hand brushed a few stray strands of hair out of Sirius’s face. He lightly stroked his cheek with his thumb.

“Hey, Moons,” Sirius mumbled as he woke.

“Hey, Pads,” Remus replied. He watched those grey eyes flutter open. Even though Sirius was entirely frustrating, Remus always fell a little bit more in love when Sirius was just waking up.

“Love you,” he mumbled as he leaned into Remus’s touch.

“Love you too.”

Sirius turned his head to kiss Remus’s palm, then he settled back into the pillow. “Can’t feel my arm.”

Remus laughed breathily. The boy had Sirius’s arm pinned beneath him. “D’you want me to move him?”

“No. He’s beautiful like this,” Sirius answered. He couldn’t put into words just how _right_ it felt to have a child using him as a pillow. “Have you… Have you thought anymore about our family?”

Remus knit his eyebrows together slightly. “I’m not sure. But he does look perfect, and I know that this would be more perfect with another—“

“Three more,” Sirius interrupted.

“Fine, with three more with us. But I’m scared about what happened earlier. I almost killed you. Again.” It wasn’t the first time Padfoot had been over-corrected by Moony.

Sirius shrugged. “I broke rank. My fault, really. We don’t have to have werewolf puppies, you know. They don’t have to be a part of this. You’ve never hurt Harry. He’s never gone with us, so he can’t get hurt.”

Remus sighed again. Sirius wasn’t going to drop the issue, he could tell. “I do want us to have our own pups, but I’m scared, Sirius,” he admitted as his hand traced down Sirius’s neck to his shoulder and to his chest.

“I know you are. But that’s why you’ve got me.”

“I just don’t think it’s the right time.”

“It’s never the right time, you know. They’re inconvenient. No one is ever ready for this. People think they are, but it’s an illusion,” Sirius said. There was no accusation in his voice, just what he believed was the truth. “We weren’t ready when we got Harry. It wasn’t the right time for us, but he needed us.”

“You’re right,” Remus said.

“I’m what?” Sirius asked with mischief in his eyes.

“I said you’re right,” Remus answered.

“I just need you to say it one more time.”

“Fuck you, Sirius.”

“Anytime, my love.”


	4. Call Me Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven days after the full moon, Sirius breaks his bedrest by being intimate with Remus in their kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray! Sexy times! I've been listening to Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks's solo stuff all morning so... Sorry not sorry. She's a witch and I love her. I do hope you enjoy this moment between Remus and Sirius. 
> 
> Still working on edits.

After a few days of being confined to the bed, Sirius had had about enough. When he awoke on Friday morning, one week after that painful full moon, he pulled himself out of bed without much issue and determinedly marched to the living room and placed his favorite record on the player. Stevie Nicks’s enchanting voice filled the home, waking Remus and alerting him to his husband’s decision. Sirius was feeling much better. His side didn’t hurt as much, but the left arm was still mostly useless.

Remus stretched under the duvet as he tried to gather his thoughts. “Sirius,” he sighed. He did a lot of sighing because of Sirius. When he finally made his way to the kitchen, Sirius was dancing with a skillet.

“Wait a minute, baby, stay with me a while. Said you’d give me a light, but you never told me about the fire,” Sirius sang along as he lit the gas stove with a wave of his fingers. He was good at simple wandless spells, like lighting the old oven. “Drowning in the sea of love where everyone would love to drown—“

“You’re in a good mood this morning,” Remus noted. He was leaned against the arch that connected the living room to the kitchen. He chuckled when Sirius jumped. He crossed his arms over his chest. It was a little chilly after all. Sirius didn’t seem to mind the cold. The only clothes he wore were his plaid pants. Remus raked Sirius’s body with eyes, starting at his feet and working his way up bare legs and scarred torso, lean but strong arms, that gorgeous black as pitch hair thrown into a very messy bun. Remus always thought Sirius was at his most beautiful like this, his nipples pert from the cold in the air, breathless from his favorite music, cooking for Remus. He pushed himself off the arch so he could stand behind Sirius and wrap his arms around him.

“It doesn’t matter what for, but when you build your house, then call me home,” Sirius continued, though he wasn’t dancing anymore, but leaning back into Remus’s embrace, swaying his head to the haunting tune. Fleetwood Mac was a legend. They had been the first wizarding group to make the transition to Muggle music, too. Stevie put a little magic into her songs, and Sirius was under her spell.

“Harry’s still asleep. Breakfast can wait. Let’s go back to bed, Sirius,” Remus suggested as his right hand brushed up from Sirius’s waist up to a firm pec and back down to his thigh. He kissed Sirius’s shoulder where the boar had sliced him open, the wound now a shining pink scar over the stag tattoo he had gotten a few years ago at a Muggle shop in London. Sirius inhaled deeply, his skin erupting in a peppering of goose bumps as Remus’s lips ghosted across his back. He extinguished the low flame in the stove as he turned around to face his husband. He cupped Remus’s cheek, rough with two days of stubble, and kissed the most recent scar he had left over Remus’s face. Pomfrey had done a lovely job cleaning up Remus and the chunk Padfoot had ripped from Remus’s face had healed into a neat line where it had been pieced together again. Remus used to be so self-conscious of his scars. Sirius found them endearing and attractive. Finally his lips brushed Remus’s lips. They did not linger. They had business on Remus’s collarbone.

“Sirius, come on. Let’s go to our room,” Remus breathed.

“Maybe I want you on the table. I could lean you over it, take you so deep and so hard that you feel it next week.”

Remus moaned as Sirius’s mouth trailed down his sternum. He planted a few kisses on each of Remus’s dark nipples and then kept going never lingering at one spot for more than a second or two. He had work to do. Remus’s heart pounded in his chest as Sirius rubbed his erection through his flannel pyjamas.

“Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her,” Stevie called from the record player in the next room.

“Do you need something,” Remus gasped, “for your arm?” Sirius had his left arm kept close to his chest, but he wasn’t letting it slow him down. He was firmly massaging Remus through the soft fabric hiding his cock from Sirius all while he licked and nipped and sucked across Remus’s hip bones. Sirius called the lines they made “fuck me lines” which Remus always thought just a little ridiculous but he agreed. He thought they were sexy too.

Sirius leaned his head against Remus’s thigh and turned to look up at him. Remus couldn’t help but burying his hand in Sirius’s hair. Those grey eyes with their long lashes, the gentle curve of his aristocratic nose, his delicious lips… Remus almost couldn’t handle the way Sirius looked at him. He had almost forgotten the question he’d asked when Sirius finally answered. “It’s okay. Just don’t touch it, and I’ll be fine.” Remus nodded once.

“She is like a cat in the dark and then she is the darkness. She rules her life like a fine skylark and when the sky is starless,” Sirius sang along to the music as he turned back to Remus’s hips. He tugged the bottoms down until he exposed the tip of Remus’s cock. Sirius kissed it sweetly before he let his tongue taste the smooth skin. All the while he slowly slid Remus’s pyjamas down to his mid-thigh. The more flesh he exposed, the further down he licked. His right hand held Remus’s left hip mostly for balance, but the thumb rubbed in a circular motion against Remus’s slightly cool hip bone.

“Sirius, please,” Remus whispered. “Your mouth.” This slow teasing was both entirely sweet but frustrating, and all Remus wanted was to shove his cock in Sirius’s face and fuck his mouth.

“My mouth,” Sirius repeated. He had that light of mischief in his eyes again. Remus was going to get what he wanted, eventually, after he was mad with his need for Sirius, who was now avoiding Remus’s prick all together and was busy sucking at Remus’s inner thigh where the skin was creamy and warm. Remus shuddered, from the cold or from what Sirius was _doing_ to him he wasn’t sure, but, gods, it was wonderful. Remus choked out a moan as Sirius gently bit his leg.

“Please, touch me, Sirius, I need you to touch me.” Remus had assumed that if they were going to do this in the kitchen then they would go quickly. Harry was due to wake up in an hour after all. “Harry could come in here, and I—oh! Fuck.” Sirius, drunk on Remus’s begging, had swallowed Remus’s cock. He undulated his tongue against the hot flesh in his mouth, pressing the tip of his tongue into the slit of Remus’s cock when he finally pulled up enough to do it. He moaned as he tasted that lovely saltiness pooling at the head.

Remus tipped his head back, content to let Sirius do the work here, trying hard not to be so loud as to wake Harry from the other end of their small flat. “Sirius, we don’t have time. Just fuck me,” he begged. He really didn’t want Sirius to stop but he wanted more than a blowjob.

Sirius popped off Remus’s erection, watching the bead of saliva and precum join his mouth to the head like a spider web with dew before it broke. He smirked at Remus, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and took Remus’s offered hand so he could stand. Remus kissed Sirius suddenly and deeply, addicted to the taste of himself on Sirius’s tongue. He pulled a moan out of Sirius and broke the kiss when they were both almost out of breath.

“D’you have your wand?” Sirius asked.

“Sirius. Where would I be hiding my wand?” Remus replied with one brow raised and half his mouth raised in a smirk. “You’re an idiot.” He laughed then as Sirius realized how stupid his question was.

“For all I know, you’ve got it shoved up that fabulous arse of yours,” Sirius countered.

“Why don’t you find out?” It wasn’t often that Remus said something Sirius couldn’t beat, but it had happened. Remus was rewarded with a firm smack to his bottom. “Why’d you need it?”

“Lube spell. Spit’ll do.”

Sirius kissed Remus again and reached between them to grip both of their cocks after he had pushed his own pants down. Remus closed his eyes and rutted against Sirius’s hand and cock. He turned his head away from Sirius’s mouth. They could get caught in a cycle of kissing if they weren’t careful and Remus wanted friction not snogging.

“I want you now, don’t worry about the lube,” Remus groaned.

“You sure?”

“Fuck yes, just do me already.”

Sirius laughed softly, taking Remus’s hand. He turned them just slightly and walked backwards across the cold white tiles until he hit the wooden table. He kissed Remus’s cheek, but he was on his nipple soon sucking it and flicking it with his tongue, knowing that the left one was a direct line to Remus’s cock. Remus shuddered out a moan and pressed his chest into Sirius’s mouth. He hardly even noticed when Sirius spun them around. When Sirius released Remus, the werewolf’s cheeks were painted red. “Turn around,” Sirius mouthed. Remus nodded, his breaths coming quickly and shakily. Sirius stood behind Remus and kissed between his shoulder blades. He offered his fingers to Remus who took them in his mouth obediently and sucked them until they were good and wet. Sirius took them away almost reluctantly. He loved the way Remus lavished his fingers and scraped them delicately with his teeth.

Remus was happy to have them out of his mouth, though, because it meant that he could get what he so desperately craved much faster. He exhaled sharply as he felt two fingers prod at his hole and enter. It didn’t hurt, but the presence made his heart beat faster and warmed his skin. He leaned forward over the table until his forearms rested against the smooth wood. He hung his head as he enjoyed Sirius’s ministrations, grunting when suddenly he felt empty again. He felt so lonely for the few moments it took for Sirius to awkwardly get himself situated. He took his cock in his hand as he lined himself up and then slowly pressed into Remus’s body. His partner ground his teeth as Sirius entered him dry. That always made things a little more complicated, but Remus had been impatient dammit. He felt full again which cured the loneliness, but he had to get used to the heavy presence inside him. “Breathe, baby,” Sirius muttered as his hand snuck between them to take Remus’s cock. He stroked it slowly as Remus opened up for him. His own breathing was a little out of pace as well, the need to move almost overwhelming. “You feel so good around me. You’re so tight and warm. I love feeling you all the way around me, swallowing me up and keeping us together,” he whispered against Remus’s back. The taller man below him groaned. “That’s it. That’s it, Remy. I can feel you opening up.” His hand pumped Remus a little faster.

“Yes, go, please, Sirius, move,” Remus gasped. His gasps turned into a moan as Sirius pulled most of his length from his body and entered him again slowly but sharply hitting something inside of him that made Remus’s toes curl.

“Oh Merlin,” Sirius groaned as he kept a pace in time with the movements of his hands. As they moved together, their voices blended into Stevie’s music, a strange symphony of song and moan and the sound of their flesh joining together with a soft slap.

“Sirius! Fuck, close,” Remus moaned as Sirius pressed his thumb against the slit of his cock. Sirius leaned into his body, pressing against his prostate, and bit the place where his shoulder and neck joined. That did it for Remus. “Fuck!” he yelled as his body spasmed, losing the stability in his left foot, and he came hard over the edge of the table. His body tightened impossibly around Sirius who only managed a few more thrusts before his body responded in kind. He came with Remus’s name on his lips, which was exactly how Remus liked Sirius to come. Sirius pressed his forehead to Remus’s back as he tried to catch his breath. His bones felt like jelly. He panted against Remus, but he had to laugh.

“I guess your wand is in our room,” he teased.

“Yeah I guess so.” Remus chuckled breathlessly but grunted when he felt Sirius pull his softening cock from his body. He whimpered. It always felt weird, going from completely full to devastatingly empty. Sirius plopped into the nearest chair after pulling his pants back over his thighs and his cock. He pulled Remus into his lap but yelped when Remus’s liquefied body bumped Sirius’s broken arm.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Sirius. Are you okay?” Remus asked as he jumped back up. He stepped to his pyjama pants which rested in a pile in front of the oven. He pulled them on before taking an empty seat next to Sirius. He rested his head on Sirius’s shoulder.

“Yeah, just hurts.” Sirius lightly brushed the wrappings around the arm with his fingertips. The swelling had gone down but the place where Remus’s teeth had entered was still open and hot. He had seen Madam Pomfrey once more about it, but she had said that because the wolf had inflicted it, it could behave differently than other wounds.

Sirius had to smile slightly as Remus wrapped both his arms around Sirius’s shoulders. “You want me to make breakfast?” the werewolf asked.

“I don’t really want to eat on this table in its current state,” Sirius answered.

Remus laughed and pressed a kiss to Sirius’s cheeks. “I’ll clean up the table. You go clean yourself up, then wake Harry? He’s got to get ready for school.” Sirius nodded, but he would rather take a shower with Remus. “I’ll get a shower when you’re done.” Remus wasn’t quite ready to lose the last evidence of their fucking.

“You’re so weird,” Sirius mumbled, but he was smiling. “I’m done with all that bedrest shit.”

“I’m just surprised you lasted this long.”

“I’m not doing it anymore. I was going mad.”

“You already were mad,” Remus teased. Sirius answered him with a scoff.

Sirius stood then, stretched his right arm and then happily made his way to the back of the house. Remus followed him, but they split up at the end of the hallway when Sirius stepped into the bathroom. He pulled out the two potions for his bloody arm, took a swig of each, and then he started the shower. Remus grabbed his wand and then headed back to the kitchen to clean up the mess they had made of the table.

Later, before Sirius was about to take Harry to his school and Remus was about to leave for the library, Sirius sat at the table where he had just fucked Remus and had a little thought. “What do you remember of that night that Greyback attacked you?” he asked. Harry was making a mess of his shirt with the pumpkin juice he had just spilled. Remus was busy cleaning him up.

“It hurt. Why?” Remus wasn’t sure he was comfortable talking about this in front of their six year old.

Sirius shrugged as he raised his tea to his lips. “Curious.”

“Well I do remember that it hurt for a long time. He bit my bicep. It burned for a few weeks. I had weird dreams every night too. Always the same thing. Wolves howling at me and following me. Eventually I had a dream where I was like him, and I howled with him. I woke up after that. By the next full moon my arm was better, and the dreams stopped.”

“Taddy, can I play with Ron today?” Harry asked, interrupting his parents’ conversations.

Remus smiled at his boy and kissed his forehead. “When Pop drops you off, he’ll ask Molly if Ron can come over,” Remus answered. When he looked over at Sirius again, he noticed his brows were knit together and his right hand rested over the wound on his other arm. Sirius stared deeply into his white ceramic mug, thinking hard on what he'd just heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in this one are Sara and Rhiannon. If you've never heard them, do give them a good listen. Stevie is a musical enchantress. She will change your world.


	5. Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The days leading up to the next full moon prove to be educational. Legos are a nightmare for wizarding parents as well as Muggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Google, Facebook, and other websites now believe I'm going camping. Hooray!
> 
> This chapter is mostly little drabbles that slowly build up to next chapter. I hope it doesn't bore you. I've been dreaming up (what I believe to be) precious little scenes between Sirius and Remus. Several of them are here. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> If you like this or just have a question, please leave a comment. My self-worth is tied into your opinions of this silly little fic.

“What day is it?” Sirius asked Remus as he scratched out a letter. They were seated around the kitchen table, Remus with a book in his hands, and Sirius hunched over a rather long piece of parchment. The Ministry was trying to pass even stricter werewolf codes and Sirius wasn’t going to just stand by. He’d joined the London Coalition for Werewolf Rights after being an Auror hadn’t worked out.

“Friday, love,” Remus said without looking up from his book.

“I mean, what’s the date?”

“November seventh.”

“Thank you. What are you reading?”

“ _War and Peace_.”

“Muggle?”

“Yep.”

“Do you like it?”

“Mhmm.”

“Do you want me to shut up?”

“Please.”

Sirius grinned at Remus before hunkering down again. Harry had gone to the Burrow for the afternoon, but he would be back before bedtime. Remus glanced at Sirius over the cover of his book and smiled. Sirius’s arm was in a sling, but the rest of Sirius was doing okay. It made Sirius feel better if he could work.

“What are you writing?”

“Trying to prevent a law. I’m writing a petition. Ministry wants to strip you of your wand,” Sirius answered.

“Oh,” Remus said. He swallowed thickly. “Will it pass?”

“I don’t believe so. The petition is mostly a formality. We’ve got a group of solicitors working on legal documents that will say that this is unethical. We’ve already got a few things into next edition of _The Quibbler_ and there’s an interview with _The Prophet_ to look forward to.”

Remus had been so surprised when Sirius had taken up the cause. He wasn’t surprised when Sirius backed out of doing the Auror stuff. He’d lost the passion for it when James had died. They were supposed to be a team, after all. He was considered too emotional to send out on any real work, and the one time they had had been a fiasco. He’d been sent back to paperwork, so Sirius left the job and took this one. Mostly he arranged meetings and wrote a few non-legal documents. His charisma usually got the coalition audiences they usually couldn’t get on their own.

“Sirius,” Remus started as he replaced his bookmark and closed the heavy book, “if there’s something else you would rather do, you don’t have to keep doing this. It won’t hurt my feelings.”

“I like it. I like feeling like I’m maybe helping your life get easier. I only want your life to be easy,” Sirius said as he set his quill down, rubbed his face, and looked at Remus. “What?” he asked when Remus chuckled. Sirius had rested his chin on his palm, the elbow supporting them at the table.

“You have ink all over your face.”

Sirius furrowed his brows as he stood and checked himself in the mirror over the fireplace in the next room. “How the fuck did that get there?” He had ink all over his hand, of course, and he’d just smeared it all over himself.

Later, as the couple lay in their warm bed, the outside world silenced by a light blanket of snow, Sirius shot awake from his odd dream with a yell. His whole left arm felt like it was on fire. “Merlin, help me, fuck,” Sirius cried as he sat up.

Remus gasped awake from his steady slumber at the din. “Sirius, what’s wrong,” he fretted. His heart was pounding rapidly in his chest.

“God it hurts, Remus, help me. It hurts,” Sirius groaned as he doubled over. He was shaking with pain by the time Remus had the lights on headed for the potions cabinet. He was back quickly.

“Here, drink this, come on. That’s it. It should start working soon. Did you lie on it?” Remus asked as he pulled Sirius into his chest. Sirius wiped his cheek free of tears with Remus’s chest.

“Burns,” Sirius said with a sniffle.

“Let me take a look at it.” Remus pulled away from Sirius enough that he could run his fingers over the hot flesh. “Where does it hurt?”

“Fingers up.”

“To where?”

“Shoulder.” The whole left arm felt like it was on fire, even to Remus.

“What happened to make it start hurting?”

Sirius shook his head and leaned back into Remus’s embrace. By the time the potion started working, Sirius’s teeth were chattering.

“What’s happening to me?”

“You’re sure you didn’t fall asleep on it?”

“Positive. It was on my chest, but in my dreams you were breaking it again and there were others with us just staring. They didn’t do anything. They didn’t call to us. They just sat in this circle and stared at us.” All of Sirius’s dreams involved wolves now. Most days it was the same thing. He was running to Moony through the forest while other wolves howled. Sometimes Moony attacked him, sometimes they just ran. Sometimes others joined them.

Remus stroked Sirius’s hair, his arms keeping him close. He rocked them slightly, like he would do for Harry if the boy had a bad dream. “I want us to see Madam Pomfrey tomorrow. I want you better,” he whispered. For the most part Sirius was whole, but the broken arm wasn’t healing properly. The bite itself no longer bled constantly but it was still ugly and open. More than anything it hurt and burned all the way up his arm. It burned further away from the actual bite a little more each day.

Sirius didn’t even argue with Remus. He was in pain and he wanted it to stop. The potions helped but they didn’t resolve everything. They didn’t stop the burning or the dreams. “What’s happening to me?” he asked quietly. He had a suspicion, but surely he was wrong. He had been Padfoot when he’d been bitten. He’d been bitten loads of times as Padfoot and nothing ever went wrong except for a few bruises.

Remus pressed a kiss to the top of Sirius’s head. “I don’t know,” he said.

“I think you’re lying to me.”

“I’m not.”

“I think you could venture a guess.”  
“But I don’t know for sure what’s happening to you.”

“Fine. What do you think is happening?”

“The same thing that happened to me.”

“Does that scare you?”

“Yes,” Remus whispered, hesitating. He knew what Sirius’s next question would be. “I’m scared because of all these things the Ministry could do, because of what it means for Harry, for our future. You want us to have a family, but the lycanthropy… It complicates everything.”

“ _We_ want a family,” Sirius corrected.

“You’re missing the point.”

“I already run with you. I’m already the same as you,” Sirius argued.

“It’s different. You know it’s different. I can’t control this. You can change at will. You could live your life as someone’s pet if you wanted to do it. I have to fight the moon and every human instinct. I have to wonder if I’ll come to in the morning and realized I’ve killed someone. You have all your memories. You don’t lose time. You stay yourself. And it _hurts_ , Sirius, the shift does. It feels like every bone in your body is exploding and your skin is being ripped apart. It feels like you’re being crushed and stretched all at once. Your brain burns and there’s this little bit of you left in the wolf and your own voice means very little to him. There are only two things on my mind on a full moon. I want to kill something and I want to fuck something.” Remus closed his eyes as he explained it all, feeling like he could shift now if he wanted to, if he thought hard enough. The hairs on his arms stood straight up. Something bubbled in his chest, a howl dying to reach the stars.

“That’s why it’ll be better. You’ll have me completely. I’m your Pack, Moony,” Sirius said. He always had a way of over-simplifying things that needed to stay complicated.

“Yeah, you are Pack.” That was something Remus could remember from his moons. He could always remember the scent of Pack and Mate. Right now they were the same smell but his wolf recognized them separately.

Silence drooped over them again. Eventually Sirius fell asleep in Remus’s arms, but he stayed away for hours more, rocking Sirius and thinking about what Greyback had done to him.

“Pomfrey’s coming around soon,” Remus announced as Sirius waved his wand to get the dishes cleaned. He wasn’t very good at cleaning charms and the sponge he’d spelled decided to scrub the wall again instead of the pile of dirty breakfast dishes in the sink. Remus came in behind him, redirected the sponge, and dropped into his chair.

“What did you tell her?” Sirius asked as he glared at that blasted sponge. Sometimes he missed having House Elves, but he realized his comfort shouldn’t take precedence over a sentient person, no matter their species.

“I told her your arm is still giving you problems and you’re having nightmares. I told her that it’s all similar to what I went through.”

“So if this is what’s happening to me, what then?” Sirius asked as he gave up the staring contest with the sponge and took his favorite seat next to Remus.

“I don’t know. You ought to register if it happens.”

“I’m not a registered animagus. I don’t see why I should start registering for things now,” Sirius said with a smirk.

“You’re a felon, you know.”

“Yep.”

“You’re fine with that?”

“Of course, if it means you’ll be the one doing my punishment.”

“You are a madman, Sirius.”

“I’m just mad about you.”

“Ugh. You’re disgusting.”

“Give me a kiss,” Sirius said as he leaned closer to Remus.

“Never,” Remus disagreed as he stood up. He ducked out of the kitchen, only to hear Sirius’s disgruntled huff. Remus chuckled, came back, and swiftly pressed his lips to Sirius’s.

“I love you and I like you,” Sirius said when they broke apart.

“I love you and I like you,” Remus had repeated. Neither could remember who had started saying it in the first place, but it had been something they couldn’t stop saying in sixth year. It had been in there elopement ceremony.

“Where’s Harry?” Sirius asked when he realized how quiet the flat was.

“That, sir, is a very good question.”

They found Harry in his room with every single toy out on the floor. Apparently the quiet tea party Remus had suggested had turned into a post-apocalyptic nightmare scene. Sirius was still trying to get those stupid Muggle Legos into their appropriate bin when Remus had to go greet Madam Pomfrey who stepped through the fireplace.

“Sirius! Come join us, please,” Remus called from the living room.

They all sat around the table, Sirius’s arm unwrapped for the healer to inspect. It looked clean but it felt anything but.

“I don’t know if there’s anything I can do for you. You’ve been taking the Skele-grow every night?” the good madam asked. Sirius nodded his head. “Where does it stop hurting?” With his other hand, Sirius pointed out the spot close to his collarbone where he couldn’t feel the heat anymore.

“It hurts a lot at night. In my dreams.”

“Remus said you’ve been having the same one every night.”

“Am I going to be a werewolf?” Sirius asked. When Madam Pomfrey gave Sirius a concerned look, Sirius sighed, brushed his long hair back out of his face and started to explain. “When Remus was five, Fenrir Greyback attacked him because of something his dad did, right? After the bite, it took forever to heal, he had the same dream every night, of wolves and them howling at him and running with him, and it burned. Right, Remus? That’s all correct?”

Remus nodded, “Yes, but I was a boy, a very human boy. You were a dog.”

“A very human dog,” Sirius pointed out.

“It’s not possible or you would have been a wolf long ago.”

Madam Pomfrey cleared her throat. “I did bring something from the school for you to look over. Mind you this a very old book and I will need it back. Strictly speaking, it isn’t supposed to leave the Restricted section, but Professor Dumbledore gave Madam Pince the okay. It’s the first _Book of Wolves_ ever written. We don’t know who wrote it. We don’t know when. Most of it isn’t even English. But there is something about a dog who sustained a terrible injury at the mouth of a werewolf under a full moon. It is unclear if this dog was an animagus, but we can only suppose he was because the book does mention he could change at will. I’ve marked the pages for you,” she said as she hauled the large tome out of her impossibly small bag.

“The next full moon is in about a week. You’ll have your answer then. If that’s what has happened, then there are no potions to help you.” She left them to study the book, but not before she reiterated that the book had to be returned or she would personally hunt them down.

Sirius looked over the pages some, but for the most part he just drank the potion for pain. By the fourteenth of November, the burning was in his chest. The full moon was two nights away.

“Have you read any of this?” Remus asked as Sirius came into the flat from work. He was bored out of his mind just staying in the flat all day, especially when Harry was off at school. Remus had dinner ready and charmed to stay hot, steak and potatoes by the smell of it. Harry was leaned into Remus’s chest as flipped through the pages of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_. He could read well enough for his age, but he was mostly just looking at the pictures while Remus read.

Sirius shrugged. He’d had a weird day. The last thing he wanted to do was homework. “I haven’t really,” he admitted. “Hello to you, too.”

“Hi,” Remus greeted as Sirius bent over the back of the couch to kiss him.

“Pop!” Harry greeted as he threw the book to the ground so he could stand up on the cushions and reach for Sirius who held out one arm for the boy. Harry wanted Sirius to pick him up, but Sirius still couldn’t use the left arm so he was definitely not picking up a boy. “I found a toad today!”

“Amazing, pup. How big was it?” Sirius asked.

“This big,” Harry exclaimed as he stretched out his arms as far as they would go.

“Oh wow. Whatever did you do with it?”

“Tad made me let him go. But it’s cold outside. Tad says toads don’t like the cold.”

“Perhaps this one wasn’t a regular toad,” Remus reminded. “It was purple.”

“Can I have a toad? Please? I want a purple one like Mittens.”

“Who’s Mittens?” Sirius asked.

“The toad I found, Pop,” Harry explained with an exasperated expression. He huffed and flopped back down onto the couch. Sirius rolled his eyes at his boy and kissed his ever-messy hair.

By the morning of the sixteenth, Sirius was sure he was going to be someone else come nightfall. He could smell things he’d never smelled before, every ingredient in the dinner they had made the night before, the smell of the snow that hung heavier and heavier outside, the smell of Remus’s anxiety. It was maddening how much his nose was working. And his fingernails were longer, darker, somehow. He wasn’t sure, but he could almost swear that he had more hair on his arms, too. And when he’d sucked Remus off before they got out of bed, Sirius could smell Remus’s arousal well before he’d ducked his head under the covers. He could hear Harry mumbling to himself in his sleep. He could hear their neighbor making coffee, waking her daughter. Sirius had gone to sleep more aware of his surroundings and woken in a hyper-active world of sensation.

“How do you live with it?” Sirius asked with his hands clamped tightly over his ears. He had woken with the bones fused back together. It still felt feverish to the touch, but it didn’t hurt to move it anymore. Remus was pulling on a pair of wool trousers and a cabled jumper while Sirius sat in the middle of their bed.

“I guess I’m used to it now.”

“The dream was different last night,” Sirius stated. Even with his hands muffling Remus’s voice, Sirius could hear him clearly. Perhaps that was why Remus was always so softly-spoken.

“How so?” Remus asked as pulled the trousers over his briefs.

“I was alone for a long time. I ran to the hill where you were supposed to be. You weren’t there. So I started howling. Other wolves joined in, but you didn’t. So I started running again. There was this pond, I think, maybe it was a river. I’m not sure. It kept moving and changing shape. I looked into it, and saw my reflection. Then you were next to me. And that was it,” Sirius said. Most of his dreams had ended in Moony attacking him.

“I was thinking about where we should go tonight,” Remus said.

“The Dean again?” Sirius asked. They’d gone there last time. Sirius rather liked the spot they had claimed as theirs.

Remus sat at the foot of the bed facing Sirius. “I was thinking Wychwood.”

They hadn’t been there in ages. The first moon they had shared outside of Hogwarts had been in the Wychwood. They’d only ever gone there without James or Peter. Sirius smiled.

“Harry’s awake,” Sirius said as he finally released his ears. The noise was still too much for him, but perhaps he could get used to it.

“How do you know?” Remus asked with a half-smile. He could tell, too, but he was curious.

“I can hear him standing up. He’s not making his bed, I’ll have you know. He’s in the hallway now,” Sirius said. They both hushed and listened to the sound of Harry frantically opening the door to the bathroom.

“You should get dressed. I really don’t want to scar him by having him catch that thing hanging out,” Remus teased, nodding his head towards Sirius’s prick. He loved the sound of Sirius’s laugh.

“Pass me some pants, then, will you?” he asked. Remus stood again and threw a pair of briefs at him. “Lovely.”

Again Harry was delivered to the Weasleys before the adult Lupins began their usual trek through the hills. This time a month ago Remus had been quite angry at Sirius, but today they had their arms linked together as they trudged through the snow, wrapped in coats and scarves.

The Wychwood always felt colder to Sirius than the Dean, perhaps because of a lack of familiarity. Sirius could run the Dean in his sleep and still know exactly where he was, but the Wychwood called to Sirius like it did to Remus a few times a year. She wanted them here when it suited her. “Rhiannon rings like a bell through the night and wouldn’t you love to love her? Takes to the sky like a bird in flight and who will be her lover? All your life you’ve never seen a woman taken by the wind. Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win?” Sirius sang softly to himself as he did his part of setting up the usual wards. “She is like a cat in the dark and then she is the darkness—“

“Sirius, please. I know that’s your favorite but it’s been going on for an hour now,” Remus complained.

“Not my fault you can’t appreciate her,” Sirius grumbled.

“You’ve never met her.”

“But I love her, and I will meet her one day. And, honestly, she’s probably the only woman I would really like to lay.”

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius’s obsession with Stevie Nicks was comparable to Remus’s own need for everything to make sense.

“And then she is the darkness. She rules her life like a fine skylark and when the sky is starless,” Sirius continued. “You don’t hear the magic in her voice?” He was almost positive that he could hear the Wychwood singing to him. “You know Muggles think these woods are haunted.”

“I know.”

“They believe ghosts wait until their backs are turned. Then the ghosts grab them I guess by the backs of their necks and drag them straight to Hell.”

“What about werewolves?”

“Yeah. We should be careful. Apparently there’s a full moon tonight. Who knows what lurks behind every tree? Awoo!” Sirius faked a howl but towards the end it grew into a real note. Sirius froze, his eyes wide, his heart racing. Remus stared back at him, his gut rolling with dread.

“I guess it’s happening, then,” Remus muttered, mostly to himself. He didn’t say much until the sun began to set. His body vibrated with the strength of the wolf reaching out to him. He was used to the pain, but it tore through Sirius like he’d been hit by a train.

“Moons, it hurts,” Sirius gasped, swallowing thickly around what felt like his heart in his throat.

“I know, sweetheart. I know it does,” Remus crooned. “Just take a deep breath. It won’t last long.” And it didn’t. Soon Remus was staring at a large wolf, his front legs stretch apart, and his chest heaving with the pain. His coat was nearly completely black, save the faintest white snip over his nose and a slight tint of deep brown on his sides. His own transition complete, Moony approached Padfoot (or was he someone else now?) cautiously. He gave him a thorough sniffing, but he was ultimately satisfied that this was Pack.

Moony, as per usual, led the way into the thick of the woods, giving Padfoot not much of a choice but to follow while he regained his legs. After a while, with the Wychwood still singing to Sirius, the black wolf couldn’t handle it any longer. This had been what he’d wanted for a long time: to run with Moony as equals. He didn’t quite understand the Pack dynamics, but he knew they were the same. Remus could smell no Otherness on him. Just Mate and Pack. Sirius threw a happy howl to the full moon, but he kept it short so he could race Moony through the Wych.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I really hope you guys don't get tired of the Stevie stuff because it's actually going to be important later, js.)


	6. The Wychwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius experiences his first full moon. He and Remus explore the Wychwood forest and adjust to their new pack dynamics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Oh mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Well I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I've built my life around you.
> 
> Take this love, take it down. If you climb a mountain and you turn around. If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills, well maybe the landslide will you bring you down."

Sirius had thought himself overwhelmed by sensation earlier that day, but now with snow peppering his black coat and his large feet leaving prints in the snow, the forest was alive with new scents and sounds and feelings. He ran well ahead of Moony who was not content to race and allow the bitter cold to pierce his lungs. He chuffed to the black blur who had paused his racing to mark an elm tree. The tawny wolf caught up to him at the tree. He whined at Padfoot to keep him on schedule.

Since they hadn’t been to Wychwood in a while, their scent had faded from most of their territory lines. Moony was anxious to restake his claim. There was an established Pack who lived full time in the Wych. Sirius had met with their Alpha a few times during coalition meetings. Their pack was large, usually around twenty adults and ten children. Sirius had never found out if Pike Orson knew that a rogue wolf roamed these woods sometimes too.

Padfoot sidled up to Moony, their shoulders brushing as Padfoot leaned against him and pressed his nose against Moony’s cheek. For perhaps the first time since they were very young, Padfoot and Moony were the same height, but Moony had a narrower frame. Padfoot just had a broader chest, wider head, and an incessant need to mount Moony.

Padfoot let Moony take a few steps ahead of him before he stood on his sturdy hind legs and dropped his front legs across Moony’s sides. Moony stiffened under him and gave a warning growl. Padfoot, of course, was allergic to listening. He scooted himself closer, but he had hardly got himself situated before Moony turned and snarled at Padfoot who growled back. He gripped Moony harder but suddenly found himself back on his back when Moony slipped from under him and rounded on him. He jumped Padfoot and hovered over him with deadly fangs exposed. Padfoot whined but he didn’t argue for once. He still remembered the pain from the last time he had argued with Moony.

Moony snorted as he stepped over Padfoot and continued with his work. Padfoot followed with his head and tail hanging a little lower. Moony was used to a certain level of respect for his position as Alpha, but something begged to give it up, to let Padfoot challenge him and win and lead. Still Moony over-marked a spot where Padfoot had left his scent. They were still re-establishing their small territory when the other Pack called. Padfoot crouched against the snow when Moony stiffened. They were close. They answered the call with their own howls, two haunting notes hanging in the freezing air. As long as they didn’t get too close to Pike’s group they would be okay.

Padfoot wandered away from Moony a bit as he caught the scent of a herd of deer. His ears pricked forward as he followed them. Moony, suddenly alone, searched the ground until he found Padfoot’s scent. He found Padfoot sitting at the top of a slowly sloping hill watching a small group of does. Moony sat close next to him, their shoulders touching. Padfoot leaned his head towards Moony and licked his tawny cheek. As the herd began to move, so too did the two wolves.

They followed well behind the deer until they picked a young one who lingered at the back of the herd. Without needing to indicate to the other what they needed to do, the pair picked up their pace to get closer, eventually splitting up so they could take her by surprise. Large packs like the neighboring Wychwood Pack had numbers on their side to help with hunting. There were more mouths to feed which complicated matters, but they could easily take down any large prey they met. For Moony and Padfoot, things were different. They had to be careful about which animal they selected. They only had one chance. Silently they prowled. They made no noise as they attacked. Padfoot caught the deer by her hind leg and held on tightly as she tried to pull away. Her screams broke the silence in the forest. Moony pounced on her shoulder. She lost her footing and fell. Moony delivered the fatal bite to her throat. The rest of the herd disappeared into the night.

With bellies full of fresh meat, the couple spent quality time grooming each other. Moony growled happily, the sound almost like a canine purr in the back of his throat. They had squabbled briefly over who could eat first, but Padfoot had been put into his place once already. It was Moony’s right as Alpha to lead the hunt, take first meat, and mount Padfoot, which really didn’t sit well with either of them, but that was the way of things as they stood currently.

The other Pack sang their successes as they pulled down whatever they had been hunting. They were close. Moony jumped to his feet and turned his back toward the sound. They had to get further away. There were dozens of voices hanging in the air. It would be unwise for them to get caught in a territory fight.

Moony whimpered to Padfoot who was staring into a thicket of thorny bushes. Padfoot whined, but finally turned away. His nose had picked up an unfamiliar scent, but Pack law obliged him to follow Moony away from the cub hiding in the bushes.

They headed west through the woods to a copse of oak trees where they had found a warm burrow in an elderly, dying oak. The space was just large enough for them both to fit if they curled up tightly against each other. With the wind picking up and the snow continuing to fall, the pair hoped to warm each other. There was hardly room to stand, but they made themselves quite comfortable, their bodies curled around each other, with Padfoot’s head resting comfortably on Moony’s back. Moony had his head tucked between them and pressed against the black wolf’s side. Whatever ached inside Moony for something different seemed to be satisfied by their position. It was content to let Padfoot keep a watchful eye on the opening of their makeshift den from his perch on Moony’s back.

Moony drifted to sleep as he listened to the steady beating of Padfoot’s heart, unaware that even now he was changing. He awoke several hours before dawn to the feeling of Padfoot licking him. Moony raised his head and yawned. He started to move so that he could crawl out of their den and stretch out his limbs. Padfoot followed happily. They headed back to where they had left their kill, only to find that it had been picked clean. Moony’s tail wagged as he caught the scent of a few rabbits who had dared to leave their burrow.

They pounced on the rabbit family when they found them and chased them through the snow. Moony caught and killed one, but Padfoot was having too much fun just chasing and pouncing. Eventually he caught one, shook it once by the neck, and brought his prize to Moony who was tearing the fur off his own.

When even the bones had been crunched, Moony felt completely content. Padfoot lay in the snow, licking the last remnants of rabbit off his paws. Moony came behind him and sniffed around his hips and tail. When Padfoot stood, Moony took his opportunity to mount Padfoot, as he usually did after a meal, but this time things were different. Moony may be Alpha, but Padfoot had not been born into a low rank. His physiology demanded that he take leadership of this pack of two. Padfoot pulled away from Moony and, like Moony had done earlier, he rounded on the russet wolf with his fangs bared. Moony answered in kind. They raised up on their back legs and boxed each other, snarling at each other and biting at the loose skin around the other’s throats. Back on all fours again, they paced in a circle, each with his hackles and tail raised. Padfoot pounced first, successfully forcing to lose his footing. Moony whined in temporary subjugation and slowly pulled himself to his feet. He grumbled as Padfoot mounted him, but he didn’t fight when the black wolf entered him for the first time. Moony complained quietly the whole time, yelping when Padfoot instinctively bit down on the scruff of Moony’s neck as he built up his pace until a knot had formed at the base of his penis. Moony’s yelp softened into a confused whine. That confused part of him was happy to be locked with Padfoot who rested most of his body weight over Moony, whose scruff still stayed firmly in Padfoot’s mouth. After a few minutes Padfoot released Moony, feeling entirely too confident. He threw a pleased howl to the moon. The Wychwood Pack answered him in what could have been mistaken as congratulations.

The night was quickly fading into dawn. Moony, his pride still hurting from being bested by this newborn, skulked away from Padfoot and towards the den they’d claimed for the evening. Padfoot strutted behind him, his head held high and his tongue lolling out of his mouth, each of his breaths hanging in the air. Less than two hours later, Remus was cramped in the tree with Sirius leaning against the outside of it. Changing back hurt more somehow.

Remus dragged himself out of the tight enclosure, but finally he managed it. Sirius shivered in the snow, but he ached too much to find the bag with their clothes and wands. “You okay?” Remus grunted. His ass hurt from what Sirius had done to him, and he realized this was how Sirius must feel the morning after most full moons. He reminded himself to apologize later.

“I’m fine. Cold though,” Sirius admitted.

Remus summoned their bag without his wand, but ducked when it flew too quickly right towards his face. “Here you go,” he said as he dug through the bag for Sirius’s clothes. He handed him a pair of trousers first.

“I remember all of it,” Sirius said. Remus had mentioned that he didn’t remember much of what happened when he was the wolf, but Sirius could remember everything, down to the earthy way Remus smelled when he slept.

Remus thought about their adventure and realized he remembered it all, too. “Can we go home now? I desperately want to brush my teeth,” he said.

“You remember, too, don’t you?” Sirius asked as he pulled his shirt over his head.

“I do.”

“You’re afraid, aren’t you?”

Remus nodded. He wasn’t sure what all of this meant, but this was the first morning in a long time that he hadn’t felt confused. In fact, he almost felt content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting behind on my knitting. It will be a few days before I update again, but I'm not abandoning this. Don't worry.


	7. Dunderhead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius makes a new friend and a new mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear buddy Danpikat has been a silent partner in this. She's helping me with editing and such. I love her. She's a lamb.
> 
> Also, since I've had this question from Danpi, Mermish is mermaid language. It's only mentioned a few times in the novels, so I just thought I'd clarify here just in case. :D

“Imagine me and you, I do, I think about you day and night. It’s only right to think about the one you love and hold him tight, so happy together,” Sirius mumbled against Remus’s chest which was currently acting as his pillow. They were curled up in bed recovering from Remus’s best night in a long time. Things were still very confusing for him, but he hadn’t come home bloody and angry, which was a major improvement. In fact, he only had a few shallow nips and cuts on his face from the two brief tangles he’d had with Sirius. The only pain Remus even felt was in his arse, but he was used to that kind of thing for the most part.

They had The Turtles on the record player this morning. Without Harry home, the flat was spookily quiet. Sirius didn’t do well with sustained silence. “We should get a dog,” Sirius announced in the middle of his quiet singing, though his fingers still drummed gently along Remus’s belly.

“ _You_ are our dog, Sirius,” Remus reminded. He was in that surreal world suspended between asleep and awake. His eyes were closed and he was so comfortable he was sure he could just melt into the mattress, but the noise and Sirius’s company kept him awake.

Sirius furrowed his brows. “We should get a full-time dog.”

“But we’d have to put the dog on our medical and I don’t want to deal with the paperwork.”

Sirius grinned. “Fine, then let’s get another part-time dog.”

“How would that even work?”

“The neighbors have a dog. She can be our dog in the evenings and Saturdays, and then she’d be theirs mornings and Sundays. We shall pay her eleven biscuits an hour.”

“Then we shall have a very fat dog.”

“She’s got a family to support, a single mum with four humans to feed. She needs the biscuits to pay for their college tuition.”

“But if she’s in need of all the biscuits we _must_ make her full-time,” Remus sighed, finally opening his eyes.

“But you don’t want to deal with the paperwork for the insurance.”

“She probably needs the medical with all those humans.”

“So can we get a dog?” Sirius asked again.

“No. _You_ are the only dog this family needs because we don’t have to pay you in biscuits.”

“True. In exchange for all my canine duties to this family, I expect a raise.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. I will require at least twice daily fucking and at least twenty percent more kisses from you,” Sirius bargained with a cheeky grin. He looked up at Remus to find the other man had been smiling goofily at him. Sirius was quite fond of this particular smile. It didn’t make frequent appearances.

“Your demands are specific, but I don’t believe they are impossible, Mr. Lupin. I’ll talk with management.” Remus paused for a few moments. “Management says yes.”

Sirius crawled up so he was level with Remus on the pillows. They automatically pressed their lips together for a gentle kiss. “Pleasure doing business with you, sir,” Sirius replied. They kissed again, but sleep found them soon enough.

In the days that followed, Sirius found himself busy with coalition business. The Ministry seemed determined to make life more difficult for Remus than it already was. Sirius supposed that it was making life more difficult for him now, too. The Thursday following the full moon, Sirius sat at coalition headquarters discussing with the others how they should proceed when Pike Orson, the Wychwood Alpha came in.

“I need a word with you, Black,” Orson demanded. He was a large man with skin the color of mocha, his eyes a deep brown with little flecks of gold. He kept his head shaved and a dusting of stubble across his cheek and jaw. He possibly doubled Sirius’s weight and muscle mass.

Sirius reluctantly stood. He’d shared a few words with Pike Orson, but the man intimidated him, and for good reason.

“You were in the Wych,” Orson accused when they were alone. He had Sirius backed against a wall with either of Orson’s large hands pressed against the drab walls, effectively caging the other man. Sirius furrowed his brow in confusion and opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off. “I _know_ it was you and that wolf of yours, but I didn’t know you let him change you.”

“It was an accident.”

“The Wych is _my_ territory, Black—“

“Actually, it’s Lupin but—“

“I don’t care. You were in my territory. You stole a deer from _my_ Pack. The Muggles have already destroyed most of my forest for their farmland, and I _won’t_ have you stealing from our already meager resources. I happen to know that you usually frequent the Dean. You should stay there,” Orson threatened. He leaned in closer. Their faces were a mere couple of inches apart.

“You don’t own the Wych,” Sirius dared to argue.

“It is mine,” Orson growled. He leaned in closer and took a whiff of Sirius. “He’s got you all confused, hasn’t he?”

“I—What?” Sirius asked. If anyone had Sirius confused it was Orson. Sirius wasn’t used to anyone but Remus sniffing him.

“You smell like alpha, but you don’t act like Alpha,” Orson said cryptically, stressing the last word. He rolled his eyes at the very confused look Sirius gave him. “He’s trying to be your leader, but he’s not. It should be you. I bet his body’s giving him a rough time now that you’re one of us.”

“I don’t understand,” Sirius said, trying to decide if it was worth the risk of ducking under Orson’s arms.

Orson sighed heavily and dropped his arms. He took a step back. “That’s the problem with your kind. You weren’t born into a pack so you don’t understand what Pack means. You don’t understand the rules and the responsibility. I suggest you do some research on Pack life. Read the Code of Civilized Wolves. Maybe you’ll learn something about _who_ you are now,” he said. “Have you registered yet?”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m not going to.”

Orson slammed a fist into the wall beside Sirius’s head. The dent the fist left in the plaster promised terrible things for Sirius’s face if he fucked with Orson. “If you don’t register, the Ministry will see you as Feral. If the Ministry sees you as Feral, then you are fair game to wolf hunters. They lump you in with the likes of Greyback and you can be murdered, leaving your Mate and your pups alone to fend for themselves. I know that Greyback is the one who changed your—“

“Remus,” Sirius interjected. He wasn’t sure he liked Orson calling Remus anyone’s Mate.

“I know that he is a registered rogue. He’s protected under that registration. My whole Pack is registered with the Code of Civilized Wolves as the Wychwood Pack. We are protected under that registration. _You_ can be killed by anyone at any time for any reason, and it’s perfectly legal. There’s a price over your head until you’re a rogue. If I see you again at the Wych, it’ll be me taking that bounty,” Orson promised.

Sirius’s face twisted into one of anger. Finally he pushed his hands outward to try to push past the heavy brick wall of a werewolf. “You do not threaten me or Remus or our kid. Don’t you dare. We will leave you to the Wychwood, but you don’t get to tell me how to live my life,” he growled. Pushing Pike out of the way was a futile effort. He was built like a centennial oak, thick, sturdy, unwavering. Orson glowered down at Sirius until the other man had to turn away. Orson had been Alpha for twenty years. He could get almost anyone to do his bidding. This Sirius Lupin had only been changed for a few days, his biology was at war with the ways of his Pack. Orson had a feeling that he would see the rogues at the Wych again, but he would not be so tolerant of their presence. Orson took a step away from Sirius, sneered at him, and swiftly left the building. Sirius swallowed thickly over the anxiety in his throat.

He ran his hands through his hair and sank down to the ground. He furrowed his brows together as he collected himself. Pike had told him many strange things and threatened his family and given him advice all within breaths of each other. Remus had been begging him to register, too. Sirius often received very good advice, but he very seldom followed it.

Once the anger and confusion faded, curiosity won Sirius over, and he found himself doing research for the first time in a long time. The coalition had access to a copy of the codes Orson had mentioned. Sirius tucked the copy under his arm and Apparated back to his flat. Harry had several more hours in school before Sirius was due to pick him up, so he made himself comfortable on the sofa with the codes and the book Madam Pomfrey had brought over. Remus had looked over it more than Sirius had.

The codes were written in that legal formal style that had always given Sirius a headache, but, determined, he read on, skipping countless definitions of wolfkind and what it meant to be a pack or a rogue or feral. Eventually he found what he believed Orson was alluding to.

“Within a Pack there is always one Alpha, one wolf who leads the others of the pack, delegates internal affairs, and acts as the chief authority on all Pack politics. This wolf is top of rank and all other wolves must answer to him. His authority is absolute,” Sirius read. “Others may challenge him through a display of dominance, typically expressed in a physical duel, though it is not uncommon for another wolf to outwit the current Alpha to dethrone him. It is the duty and right of the Alpha only to breed with any omega wolf in heat. Any alphas within a pack may engage in coitus with any other alpha or beta or omega if the omega is not in heat at the time, but only an Alpha may have reproductive sex with an omega.” Sirius was confused now. What was the difference between an Alpha and an alpha?

He rubbed his temples with his fingertips as he kept skimming through the laws and codes and none of it seemed to click within him. He stood himself up after an hour or so and poured himself a generous amount of gin and tonic over ice and sipped it before heading back to his dreary reading. He swapped to the old book Pomfrey had brought over. The faded words on the old parchment swam in front of his eyes as he strained to decipher hidden meanings. He was on his third drink when Remus appeared, absolutely fuming, in their fireplace with a very grumpy Harry beside him.

“What the fuck have you been doing all day that was so important you forgot Harry at school?” Remus started. He ushered Harry into the living room, his pout identical to James’s. “Molly Weasley had to bring him to my work because _you_ couldn’t be arsed to collect him yourself. Do you know how embarrassing that is for me? You forgot our child at _school._ ”

Just a little bit drunk, Sirius gaped at Remus as he tried to come up with the words. “What… What time is it?” he asked, the gin slurring his words.

“You’re fucking drunk? Harry, go get cleaned up. I’ll get you some dinner ready.” Remus didn’t want to argue in front of Harry but he had a lot to say to Sirius. He had his hands balled into fists on his hips and his feet were set slightly further apart than they typically were. “Well?”

“I was just tryna do some research on, um, the whatever this is,” Sirius said smartly as he thumped his documents with his index finger.

“’The whatever this is’ better be fucking good, you idiot.”

“I dunno what I’m reading actually. I’m pretty fucking confused which is why I started to drink and then I got more confused so I had another and then I got more confused so I had another and now you’re here and it’s late, yeah? What time is it?” Sirius repeated.

“It’s six-o-clock, shithead,” Remus accused. He stormed away to their bedroom and closed their door loudly behind him.

“But I need your help,” Sirius called after him. He’d always been terrible at homework. He liked to read fiction, sure, but anything else might as well have been written in Mermish. These texts were falling into that latter category for sure.

Sirius stood up, trying very hard not to wobble too much, and followed Remus to their room. “Remy,” he whined, “I was doing homework and I don’t understand it. Can you help me?” The door was locked and Sirius’s wand was in the bedroom.

“No.”

“But Moons—“

“You forgot him. You embarrassed me at work. They don’t give kids to people who forget their only child at his school.”

“Let me in please,” Sirius begged, pressing his forehead to the door.

“I’m _not_ talking to you.”

“Yes you are.”

“No, I’m not. Starting now.”

“Remy, please. Moons? Sweetheart?” Sirius thought perhaps if he used enough pet names he’d get his way, but Remus remained silent. Sirius shifted himself into his more endearing canine form and pawed slightly at the door frame.

“If you scratch up the door, the landlord’s going to be furious,” Remus threatened. Sirius barked in reply. “Oh shut up.” Remus opened the door again, now dressed in his pyjamas. He ignored the dog in favor of checking up on Harry.

“What do you want for supper, Harry?” he asked the boy.

“Cake!” Harry replied. “Chocolate cake.” He was smart enough to know that chocolate was perhaps one of Remus’s weaknesses. He could resist Sirius’s puppy eyes, Padfoot’s too (but this was harder, admittedly), any of Harry’s tantrums, almost all of Sirius’s attempts to woo Remus so as to get what he wanted, but chocolate was a different story.

“We can make a chocolate cake after dinner. What would you like to eat before then?”

“Pizza?” he asked.

“Sure,” Remus agreed. When he turned around, he glared at his husband who was lying on the floor with his paws over his nose and whining in subjugation. “Stop your begging. Sober up. I don’t want to talk to you like this.”

Padfoot huffed but he managed to find his human legs regardless. He found the last bit of a sobriety potion in the cabinet and swallowed it. It was bitter enough to almost make him vomit, but he kept down the acrid amber liquid and splashed his face with water. He pulled his long hair into a bun while he waited for the potion to take its effect. He was left with an angry headache as per usual, but he imagined he deserved it for leaving his son at school.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I was being an idiot,” Sirius said when he made it to the kitchen where Harry stood dictating to Remus what he wanted on his pizza. Sirius knelt in front of the little boy who glanced between him and Remus and back to Sirius.

“You made Tad say the f-word,” Harry announced.

“I did. I was being a dunderhead.”

“What’s a dunderhead?”

“A great, big, stupid idiot.”

Harry thought about it and then nodded in agreement. “Don’t be a dunderhead anymore.”

“I’ll try my best.” Sirius glanced up to notice that Remus was smiling despite himself. They never could stay mad at each other for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been brought to you by The Turtles and their song "Happy Together" and other fine sponsors.


	8. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius makes it up to Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terribly sorry for the wait, my dears. Work's been a little hectic, and I wasn't sure how to proceed with this chapter. I think I've got it worked out. Danpi is still helping with edits and junk. Please let me know if you notice anything in the meantime. I love you so much.

Dinner was quiet. Harry was mad that no one had collected him from school, and that it had been Molly Weasley who realized when she got there late that Sirius had neglected his parental duties (again). Remus was still irritated at Sirius, especially since he was trying his best to put everyone in better spirits. Sirius, on the other hand, was determined to get back into everyone’s good graces.

When everyone was finished with their dinner of pizza from the Muggle delivery place, Sirius offered to do the dishes the Muggle way, since he was terrible at cleaning spells anyway. When Remus finished frosting the chocolate cake he had promised for Harry, Sirius cut Remus a huge slice and didn’t even swipe his finger through the frosting like he usually would do. When Harry was tucked into bed, finally happy now that he had had cake, Sirius quietly entered his and Remus’s bedroom. Remus was pulling a pair of his pyjama bottoms over his naked arse. He looked over his shoulder as the bedroom door clicked closed.

“Moons,” Sirius said quietly, “don’t be mad at me.”                                         

Remus huffed as he pulled on a t-shirt. He hadn’t looked at the shirt he had grabbed and was just a little upset when he realized it was one of Sirius’s. “You forgot him. You got drunk. You embarrassed me,” Remus said for what felt like the thousandth time.

“I didn’t mean to. I was doing some reading and I just lost track of time. I really am sorry,” Sirius said as he dropped onto the bed. Remus turned to face him and leaned against the tall dresser. “I think you’re mad about something else.” He frowned as Remus crossed his arms over his chest.

“Look, it’s just been a hard day, okay? You haven’t exactly made things easier.”

“What’s made it hard? Apart from my failures today.”

Remus just wanted to stay mad at Sirius, but the other man always had a way of bringing people over to his side. So Remus just sighed and decided to explain.

“I was looking into some adoption policies today. We can’t adopt, not within the wizarding world anyway, and it’ll be nearly impossible to adopt from the Muggle places, what with my spotty work history, your job, the fact that we have your inheritance that we can’t exactly explain to Muggle authorities—“

“But we adopted Harry.”

“Yeah, when you weren’t a werewolf and when we’d already been named legal guardians by James and Lily and we had Dumbledore to vouch for us, but things are—“

“We’ll ask Dumbledore. He’ll help. I know he will.”

“Please stop interrupting,” Remus chided with a weary look on his face. Sirius smiled apologetically and nodded for Remus to continue. “Things are different this time. Even if we asked Dumbledore to help us get a baby, it would be nearly impossible. You were an Auror when we got Harry. You had steady work. We’d just come out of a war. They were desperate to find a place for the fucking savior.” Both Harry’s guardians hated it when the press called the little boy the savior of the wizarding world. “We can’t adopt, Sirius, not anymore. You remember everything we had to go through just to get Harry because of me. Now it’s even harder because I… I changed you.” There was guilt there, too, Sirius noticed. They didn’t talk much about guilt anymore. They both carried so much of it for a million different crimes.

Remus broke his gaze with Sirius who seemed to be attempting to see into Remus’s head. “And anyway, I’m still mad at you for doing what you did. Even if we could adopt, the officials like it if your husband doesn’t forget the one kid you do have at school. And you were drinking.” Remus rubbed his left bicep with his right hand and traced a pattern with his toe on the carpet. “We don’t have room for any more kids. It’s just best if we forget about matters.”

“We can have a surrogate.”

“No.”

“Remus, please, we’ll never manage to waste the Black money on our own. Surrogates are expensive and it would make Walburga fucking mad,” Sirius suggested with a sad smile. Remus could see the heartbreak in his expression. They both had wanted this, though Sirius had been more outspoken about it than Remus. “Come here.” Sirius patted the spot next to him on the bed.

“No. Still pissed,” Remus mumbled with a shake of his head. He didn’t know why he was holding onto his anger. It was easier to deal with than his sadness, this grief over the child they would never have.

Sirius furrowed his brow and moved so he was sitting in the center of the bed instead of lying across it. “I was reading this book someone recommended to me and comparing it to that big one Pomfrey brought over. Pike Orson, you know him? He’s in charge of the Wychwood Pack. Anyway, he was at the coalition today and I guess he could smell the wolf on me,” Sirius couldn’t hide his cheeky grin, “and he suggested I read this book of codes I guess. It’s mostly legal stuff, but it talks about the structure of a werewolf pack and all the rules established by some old gits, I suppose. He said something about your body giving you a rough time, and I still don’t know what he meant. He was very cryptic. So’s the book, by the way. I can’t figure it out. I didn’t mean to drink as much as I did, but, you know, I just thought a little gin would help clear my head.”

“You’re an idiot, Sirius. A little gin always fogs you up more,” Remus said with just a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“I was hoping you could help me figure out the book.”

“Perhaps, tomorrow I’ll take it with me to the library.”

“I really am sorry that I forgot him, Remus. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. I’m sorry that the adoption thing doesn’t seem like it will pan out. I’m not going to give up though. We’ll have a family, even if it means we have to kidnap someone.”

Remus couldn’t help himself. He joined Sirius on the bed and settled onto his pillows. “I suppose I’ll let you sleep in here tonight.”

Sirius grinned and left the bed to swap out his clothes. “I suppose I’ll have to thank you properly for it.”

“What do you have in mind?” Remus asked. He’d been feeling delicate lately, like any shift in his world would break him. He had not been receptive over the last few days to Sirius’s frequent advances.

“Do you want to fuck?”

“You’re so crass,” Remus said with a smirk. He watched as Sirius shed his pants, admiring the curve of his back and over his firm arse.

“Is that a yes?” Sirius turned around to face his husband. His question had a teasing tone to it, but his face was soft. He’d understand. He always would understand if the answer was no.

Remus shook his head. “But maybe…”

“I could always just eat you out?”

“That’s a little bit more my speed right now. Sorry,” Remus agreed.

“Never apologise to me, Remus,” the former Black said with a grin. He closed the distance between himself and the foot of the bed and crawled over it to kiss Remus gently. He kept his grey eyes open so he could watch Remus’s eyes flutter closed. Remus lightly bit Sirius’s lower lip, softened the blow with his tongue, and was satisfied to see it reddened when he pulled away.

“You’re mad, and I love you,” Remus said.

“You’re awfully sentimental today, Moons,” Sirius teased as he claimed a spot on Remus’s neck that always made him weak. His breath escaped him in a ragged whisper when Sirius trailed one hand down to his pyjama-clad waist. Sirius’s calloused hand rubbed at Remus’s groin slowly, breathing life into the cock he so loved.

Remus found himself caught in the storm that was Sirius. He was all tooth and tongue and rough hands steadily building Remus up and making him weak all at once. Somehow, and Remus wasn’t even sure when it happened, he ended up naked from the waist down, his face pressed into a pillow and his knees keeping his arse in the air. He breathed heavily in anticipation as Sirius worshipped the backs of Remus’s thighs with his tongue. “Sirius,” Remus breathed into his pillow. “You’re a tease, you know.”

“Always,” Sirius replied before biting Remus in the center of his right cheek hard enough that it would be a bruise by morning. Remus yelped loudly. “Shut up, or you’ll wake Harry.” That was one of the struggles of living in a small flat with a child. They were always at risk of exposure, particularly since no one ever could remember to cast an imperturbable charm on the damn room.

“Well why don’t you make me shut up, you great—mmph!” Remus started as Sirius shoved his head into the pillow.

“Bite it, will you?” Sirius teased. He’d grown accustomed to all the slurs tossed at him. Fairy, faggot, blood traitor, but pillow biter he didn’t mind. To him it meant that he was having such a great time he was at risk of someone hearing him, or, in this case, Remus. Sirius tangled his fingers in Remus’s soft brown hair, but he didn’t keep Remus’s head pinned down. The man did enjoy breathing after all, perhaps more than he enjoyed the way Sirius licked a stripe up from his balls and over his dusky hole. Sirius lapped at Remus where he was most vulnerable. In sixth year, Sirius had teased Remus relentlessly when they had discovered the joys of a painful and delightful fucking. Incidentally, it was the same year they were forced to use that bloody imperturbable charm. “Ream us, Remus,” Sirius taunted when he came up for air. He massaged Remus’s hole with the flat of his thumb. Remus shuddered and pressed against it.

“Get on with it, man,” Remus bossed as Sirius pressed just the tip of his thumb into Remus’s body. “I haven’t got all night, you know.”

“So impatient. I’ll get to it when I’m good and ready.”  
“I hate you.”

“Do you hate it when I do this?” Sirius removed his thumb, spread Remus’s arse and pressed his tongue into Remus’s relatively unstretched arsehole. He probed Remus and moaned into his body as he reached around with one hand to take Remus’s cock. He stroked it languidly as he tasted his lover in a way no one else had. Remus whimpered, feeling the fight leave him as Sirius took care of him so well. Soon fingers took the place of tongue, and Sirius kissed all across Remus’s back, licking old scars and new ones, pumping two fingers in and out of him, stroking his prostate with his left fingers and jerking his cock with his right hand.

Remus twisted so he could meet Sirius’s mouth with his own. He moaned at the taste of himself on Sirius’s tongue. He’d always found it terribly delicious. Twisting like that hurt, so their kiss didn’t last long before Remus let go and dropped back towards the mattress. Sirius fucked Remus with his fingers in earnest, never missing the opportunity to press into that tight bundle of nerves that shot fire through Remus’s cold body. It wasn’t long before Remus came with a shout into the palm of Sirius’s hand.

“Shh, baby,” Sirius reminded. He kissed Remus’s shoulder and settled on his back beside Remus who took Sirius’s hand to his mouth and licked the cum off. Sirius smirked at his husband who curled up with his head on his shoulder. “Feel better?”

Remus nodded, but his hand reached down for Sirius’s erection. “You don’t have to do that,” Sirius protested weakly.

“Shut up and let me take care of you.” Sirius argued no further.

The next morning Remus was sitting carefully at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him and half a piece of toast. The bite Sirius had given him was tender to say the least. He was looking over the book Sirius had mentioned the night before.

“What were you confused about?” he asked as he flipped a page.

“Most of it, honestly.” Sirius was trying to make omelets. It wasn’t going well.

“Specifically though?”

“I think I started to get really confused when they started using ‘Alpha’ differently than ‘alpha.’ I don’t know. Where it was talking about breeding behavior, I think,” Sirius answered. “Fucking flip!”

“Pop,” Harry said, “why can you say that but I can’t?”

“Because I’m a fucking adult.”

“Well I’m a fucking adult, too.” Sirius snorted at Harry’s answer. Remus just rolled his eyes. Out of all the things they worried about, a little foul language was far down the list. Molly Weasley and Harry’s teacher, on the other hand, had other opinions.

“Sirius, did you even read the first twelve pages?” Remus asked a little incredulously as he realized just why Sirius had been so confused.

“No. It was all boring definitions. I skipped to the good parts.”

“Did it ever occur to you that there may be useful information in the list of definitions you were so keen to avoid?”

“Nah.”

“Right. Of course. It’s amazing you made it through school, honestly.”

“Honestly I just copied off you most the time.”

“I know. Dumbledore knows. Everyone knew that I was a frequent victim of plagiarism. If you’d read even the first two definitions, you wouldn’t have been so confused. Of course, only my superior acumen could bring to light these dark mysteries.”

“Shove off, you pretentious git. What did I miss?”

“Packs are divided into two categories. You’ve got Pack role which is written as ‘Alpha’ with a capital, or Beta or Omega, Alpha being the leader, Beta in the middle, and Omega as the lower rung of the social ladder. Then you’ve got biological function. There’s alpha, beta, and omega, not capitalized. In this instance, beta is the most human out of the group, with alpha being the most sexually aggressive and omega being the sex that goes into heat. I would assume that Pack roles typically align with biological function which is why they have the same names,” Remus explained.

“So what are we?” Sirius asked. Remus had been thinking about this too.

“Well I think until recently I thought I was Alpha, but lately that’s felt…strange,” Remus said after a moment.

“Pop, I’m starving,” Harry whined. The omelets were not going well. Sirius huffed, stirred the eggs with his spatula and sneered at the pan.

“We’re having scrambled eggs now,” Sirius announced. “Be ready in a bit.”

“You’re a terrible cook.”

“And you are a terrible boast.”

“You’ve rubbed off on me.”

“So if Alpha doesn’t feel right to you, what does?” Sirius asked. He didn’t say it, but he felt this new wolf inside him take possession of the title. Alpha. Sirius liked it.

“I don’t know.”

“So I guess you’re beta then? Lower-case beta, that is,” Sirius asked. “Well, what’s the difference between alpha and beta?”

“I’m not sure. I’m taking this to work with me. I’ll use a glamour on it, though.” Remus sipped his coffee as he perused the text in front of him. Perhaps all that confusion that had been growing inside him could finally settle into certainty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will be juicy so hold onto your Thestrals everyone!


	9. Brotherly Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus does some research. Harry has real life important questions. Remus and Sirius have a vulnerable moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the bit of a wait. It's been a busy week. I hope chapter ten will be up soon. I was hoping this would be more dramatic than build-up, but the chapter was getting pretty long. I'll have more plot happening next time. 
> 
> Please, enjoy.

Remus knew a lot about many things. He was _clever_ , as all his teachers had been so eager to tell him. He picked up on most subjects with ease. He could read a book once and remember small details for decades. He could dissect and discuss scientific theories, enjoyed the calculations of arithmancy, and tinkered with new defensive spells. Yes, Remus John Lupin knew many things, but _this_ was sure to stump him. His own physiology was betraying his mind again.

He defied logic once a month, but the more the werewolf read, the more he realized it was much deeper than something that only occurred during a full moon. In a way, he was glad his idiot husband had gotten Remus so irritated and flustered and then gotten him to read the texts he had in front of him. He had cast a glamour on each book so that one looked like Edgar Allan Poe’s complete works and the more ancient text like a collection of Mary and Percy Shelley. If anyone was to ask, he would tell them he was cross-referencing within the horror genre. But there was no one to ask Remus any questions. His little Muggle library was quiet and empty, with only the pudgy woman who always smelled of fruit cakes to keep Remus company. Mrs. Rose Calloway was the madam of the library and had been for decades, but she needed someone with younger eyes to help her keep her books tidy. She’d taken pity on Remus’s plight (a single father of a young boy whose mum had died tragically in a car crash, or so the story went) and hired him on the spot. She never asked about the scars or the mornings after a moon when he would come in late and irritable.

The job was not demanding. On rainy Friday mornings like this, with the books already filed neatly onto their respective shelves, with only one ancient patron to tend to, Remus had plenty of time for personal reading. He pulled the front panels of his cardigan closer around his chest as he flipped yet another page of the book of wolf law Sirius had borrowed from the coalition. A chilly wind blew outside, and since Remus’s post at the information desk was very near the door, he caught the draft with every gust of wind. He would rather be in his bed with his Sirius. His lips curled into a sly smile as he thought about the other man and his fingers and his tongue. He had a sizeable bite mark on his arse from the night before, and every time he sat down he could feel it, like Sirius was bruising him up all over again.

His smile faded though as he read. The pages were getting into heavy detail about werewolf physical characteristics, about what it meant to be born omega or alpha or beta. Remus wasn’t quite sure where he fit in, but he knew he didn’t want to be omega. Going into heat, the male body completely changing to accommodate for breeding, actually carrying a litter, an actual _litter_ of little werewolf puppies… The whole thing was madness. Remus supposed that beta wasn’t too terrible an option. It sounded the most like he was used to, very straight-forward cock-and-balls situation and all that. Apart from all that, Remus realized that the society he’d been forced into by one Fenrir Greyback was one built heavily on fitting neatly into one of three boxes, and should one ever fit less neatly into more than one box, well, it would just cause a lot of problems for everyone. For example, if one was born an omega but had to lead a pack as Alpha, one’s body could trick itself into suppressing omega bodily functions, like a heat. Remus also realized that to be an omega meant carrying the weight of the Pack on your shoulders, raising children, following orders, particularly if you also happened to fit neatly into that Omega status. Apparently most of the civilized werewolves (that is, wolves who resided in established Packs) shunned those who didn’t quite fit in, all for the sake of keeping the peace.

It was rather a lot like being disowned because you were gay, like Sirius’s parents had done. To be fair, it hadn’t all been the homosexuality, but that had been a large part of it. Plus Sirius was just too—how had Walburga phrased it?—too _liberal_. He had shunned his parents’ purist ways of thinking and they had shunned him in turn. Remus was concerned that most werewolf traditions were along the same vein.

With a huff, Remus turned back to his steaming mug of cocoa and shoved all thoughts of Walburga and Orion Black to the very back of his mind. He sipped his chocolatey drink contentedly and almost didn’t bother to look up when the library door opened with the little bell at the top ringing softly. “Good morning,” he sighed before he raised his eyes to look up at a very damp, very pleased Sirius.

“Good morning to you, too, handsome,” Sirius said with a flirty wink to his husband. He leaned against the counter and touched his icy fingers to Remus’s warm cheek.

“Stop that. The madam is in the back,” Remus warned. She’d been very vocal about her views on The Queers. Remus didn’t doubt for one second that if she realized Remus’s widower story was false that he would be out of a job.

“The madam is probably napping,” Sirius pointed out. She was prone to nodding off, after all. “Besides, I did not come to flirt with attractive librarians but to bring you lunch.” He raised up his left arm which held a picnic basket he had charmed to keep its contents piping hot.

“That was very sweet of you.”

“What does she think I am?” Sirius asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Old Mrs. Calloway had seen Sirius around the library a few times, but she was not pleased with his long hair and general loudness. She could see the good breeding, though, even with her aging eyes.

“She thinks you’re my brother,” Remus whispered. He knew when it came out of his mouth that Sirius would wildly contort the story.

Indeed, Sirius’s eyes widened and his smile twisted into that sick grin that meant he was up to no good. “Oh, _Moony_ , I am so proud of you,” he said scandalously, though quietly. “Inbreeding really always makes for the _best_ stories, don’t you think?” Sirius was already heavily inbred, but this just made his sick little heart flip with delight.

“Shut up, you. What did you bring me?” Remus tried to change the subject.

Sirius set the basket on the counter so Remus could take it. He wasn’t hungry yet, but he was pleased that Sirius had thought of him after being such an imbecile yesterday. “Tomato soup, grilled cheese, crisps, tea, hot chocolate—the real kind—and a piece of cake from last night. Yes, I know, I know. I’m wonderful and I’m the best _brother_ in the world. You may thank me with a very incestuous kiss,” Sirius teased as he leaned forward with his lips puckered together. Remus rolled his eyes, but he checked over his shoulder for Madam Library before granting Sirius his kiss.

“You’re not working today?” Remus asked.

“Nah. Coalition’s sort of at a grand pause. We’re not really sure how to proceed. We’re losing supporters. What with the war having been over for a while, people are more content to go back to their everyday lives. No one wants to fight anymore,” Sirius said casually, though he knew it was bad news.

“What about the Ministry?”

“They want to press on with tightening the codes. The Ministry still thinks we’re all Death Eaters, of course, and most people don’t want that kind of person in their midst.”

After the war had come the mandatory registration of every single werewolf, child or adult, and every Pack had to register its members. The registration had existed prior to the war, but it had never been enforced until Voldemort started alliances with werewolves. Those who didn’t register were considered feral. Feral wolves were supporters of Voldemort every single time in the eyes of the Ministry of Magic. They were to be executed to further reduce the spread of wolfkind. It was no secret that the Ministry wanted to exterminate the species, but it was having trouble finding a way to legally do it.

“You need to register, Sirius,” Remus reminded him.

Sirius shook his head. “If I do it, then that’s like saying they’ve won. That they can control my life. It’s like giving up. I should not have to register. You should not have had to either,” he argued. He could imagine a very frightened five year old Remus walking into the Department of Magical Creatures with his dear dad, Lyall, to register him after his attack.

“They could kill you,” Remus pressed.

“I know. They won’t. There’s not a soul in the world who could ever catch Sirius Lupin, ‘cept you, of course.” Sirius grinned at his husband.

“Shh! She’s coming this way,” Remus whispered as he heard the slow, shuffling steps of Mrs. Calloway as she came from the break room behind the front desk to see what all the hullabaloo was about.

“Remus, what’s all the ruckus?” she asked, her ancient voice quivering with each syllable.

“My dear brother had brought me lunch,” Remus replied.

“Wonderful. He shouldn’t be so loud though,” she grumbled as she finally came around the corner and behind the desk where Remus sat with his books, his cocoa, and his basket.

“Sirius, did you hear that? You needn’t be so loud.”

“And he ought to cut his hair. It isn’t becoming for young men to wear their hair so long,” she continued as if Sirius wasn’t right in front of her. She wondered to herself why Remus looked so different from his “brother,” but she had to suppose that their mother was a loose woman.

“I am sure he will take that under advisement, but he must be going now,” Remus hinted to Sirius who waved at the madam and his husband and dashed back into the dreary world outside of the library.

 

When Remus made it home that evening, Sirius already had Harry bathed and dressed in his pyjamas. He had a stew simmering on the stove and the house back in relative order. It was never neat by any means. Books were always stacked haphazardly around the house, and Harry’s toys littered just about every room, plus there was always a pile of laundry somewhere that needed to be folded or washed depending on the day. At least the house was clean. The dishes were put up, the floor swept, the table cleared, the laundry put away. If Sirius wouldn’t go stir crazy, Remus was positive the man would make a delightful housewife, erm, house _husband_ , though of course it was always housewife when they teased each other.

“On the couch!” Sirius called when he heard Remus come into their kitchen. He was reading Remus’s copy of _War and Peace_. He found that he quite liked it. Remus smirked when he stepped into the living room. Sirius’s legs dangled over the arm of the couch and his long hair splayed out across the cushion where his pretty head rested. He had the book propped on his chest. Remus sat on the floor beside Sirius’s head and lovingly stroked those wild locks.

“Where’s Harry?” he asked.

“He’s picking up his toys in his room,” Sirius answered. “Well, he’s supposed to be doing that. He’s probably playing.”

Remus’s smirk stretched into an entertained grin. “Probably. No one ever cleans up in this house.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Lupin, but I believe I have tidied up the place rather nicely, considering I’m pants at cleaning spells.”

“Do you mean to tell me you did the dishes by hand?”

“Yes.”

“And _you_ swept with a real _broom_?”

“It wasn’t even a racing broom.”

“And you put away the laundry without using a levitation spell?”

“ _Yes_ and it was all very difficult and I did it all for you, Moony,” Sirius said with a dramatic sigh. He snapped the book closed and rolled off the couch and onto his butt right next to Remus. “I work so hard for this family.” With a second sigh, he dropped his head onto Remus’s shoulder. Remus leaned his head so they rested against each other.

“Thank you for cleaning up.”

“And cooking.”

“And cooking,” Remus echoed. “And thanks for the lunch today. It was excellent.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Tad?” Harry called from the hallway as he left his room to see if his Taddy really was home. His face split into a wide smile when he saw that, yes, Tad and Pop were both home and they weren’t arguing. He ran to Remus and jumped into his lap.

“Oof!” Remus grunted as he caught the ever-growing boy.

“Tad, I want my own brother,” Harry announced. He’d been content to be by himself until he had started playing with Ron regularly. His abundance of siblings made Harry jealous. Harry’s life was relatively without want, but Ron had a large family while Harry didn’t. It wasn’t fair.

Sirius exchanged a slightly sad look with Remus before he turned to hug his two favorite people in the world. “You don’t want a sister?” Sirius asked.

“No. A brother,” Harry clarified.

“Ron is like your brother,” Remus offered.

“ _No_ I want my own brother. I want you and Pop to have a baby like Miss Molly and Mister Arthur did and I want a brother.”

“Harry, it doesn’t quite work that way for us,” Sirius started gently. Remus furrowed his brow. He didn’t want to have this discussion. He supposed there was no more avoiding it.

“Why not?”

“Because Pop and I are both men, and we don’t have the proper parts to have a baby,” Remus said, though he had realized that it apparently wasn’t always true that men didn’t have the right “parts.”

“But why not?”

“You know how girls and boys have different bodies?” Remus looked to Sirius, hoping his partner would offer some help now that he’d started the conversation. Sirius looked away. Harry nodded his head, so Remus continued. “Well girls have different parts in their tummies that help them have babies and men don’t have that.”

“But why not?”

“Because that’s how we were born, Harry, just like you were born with all the pieces and parts you’ve got,” Sirius finally chipped in.

“Well can’t you ‘dopt one like you ‘dopted me?” Harry asked. Sirius kissed the boy’s dark, perpetually messy hair and sighed.

“We can’t adopt anymore, Harry. You’re special. You’re the only one we could adopt,” Remus said, somehow masking the hurt from Harry, though Sirius picked up on it.

“But I want a brother,” Harry pouted.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Sirius said in earnest. He adjusted Harry’s askew glasses for him which made the boy squirm. “I think our dinner’s ready, if you’re hungry. If you eat all your dinner, you can have some cake.” That got Harry chipper again, and he quickly jumped off of Remus’s lap to head to the kitchen.

 

Later that night, with Harry sound asleep and a silencing charm around the room, Sirius held a distraught Remus. Normally he was okay. Most days he was fine with what he was and who. He’d survived a vicious werewolf attack. He’d faced loneliness and ridicule in school. He’d been there when his mother died. He’d fought in a war and lost dozens of friends to murderers and madmen. He faced scorn and intolerance every day because of who he was married to and a curse he never wanted. He cried now because he hated seeing the disappointment in Harry’s eyes. If everything had worked the way it should have, his friends would still be alive, they probably would have a couple other kids, and Lily would help them secure the child their family desperately wanted. He’d realized he wanted more kids in his life, and as soon as he’d realized it, the hopes had been dashed before he could do anything to make those hopes his reality. It hurt even more that Sirius couldn’t have any more children. It hurt even more that Lily and James were dead, and their son who Remus was raising for his friends, wanted nothing more than a few siblings to call his own.

He sobbed quietly into Sirius’s naked chest. Sirius, who annoyed him constantly but always managed to make him smile, silently caressed Remus’s back with one hand and smoothed his soft brown hair with the other. They didn’t have to say anything, and that was the beauty of it. They understood each other.

When Remus calmed down after what felt like years of crying, he reached his hand down between Sirius’s legs.

“Mmm. What are you doing, Moony?” he asked as Remus worked to get Sirius hard.

“I want you to fuck me.”

“Moony—“

“I need you to fuck me. Just fuck away all the disappointment. I feel empty and I don’t want to feel empty.” Remus leaned his head up and crashed his lips with Sirius’s into a demanding kiss that knocked their teeth together. Sirius groaned into Remus’s mouth as he felt a tongue press past his lips. Remus still had tears slowly streaming from his face. He didn’t cry often, but when he did it took a long time for him to stop.

Sirius pulled away to say something, but Remus just closed the distance between them. After another minute or two of snogging roughly and pumping Sirius’s prick until it stood at attention, Remus broke their kiss to lean over to Sirius’s nightstand. He fumbled around until he found a familiar bottle of lubricant, spread the stuff over Sirius’s erection, and then kissed Sirius again as he straddled his husband. With their mouths still connected, Remus spread the cheeks of his arse and impaled himself slowly onto Sirius who let out a muffled gasp. Remus was tight, almost painfully so, and it definitely hurt for Remus, who really didn’t care. He just wanted Sirius inside him. He didn’t care if either of them came. He just wanted to feel Sirius in him.

Remus was breathing heavily as he sank all the way down. He felt completely unsexy, but he didn’t care. His eyes were puffy and red. His nose was all stopped up from the sobbing. His lips were dry and cracking. His head ached.

“Remus,” Sirius crooned from below him. “I love you, Remus. I love you and I like you.”

“I know. I love you too. I just… I need this right now.” Remus slowly bent down to kiss Sirius who was still trying to catch up to Remus. One minute he’d been listening to Remus cry and now he had his cock up Remus’s arse. Admittedly, he was still listening to Remus cry.

Sirius’s hands found Remus’s knees by his own waist. They slowly traveled up the scarred flesh to Remus’s gorgeous thighs, only to settle at his hips. Remus wasn’t even hard.

“D’you want me to move?” Sirius asked after a moment. Remus was still lying on top of him with his head resting on Sirius’s collarbone.

“No. Kind of hurts.”

“You’re the one who decided to skip the foreplay,” Sirius mumbled teasingly.

“Shut up.” So Sirius did, but the longer Remus lay there, the more unbearable it became for Sirius. He realized that Remus wasn’t doing this because he wanted sex, and Remus had even told him that, but now that they were in this position, Sirius did want to get something out of it. He fidgeted below Remus, his hands stroking his back. Finally Remus got the message and sat up. He slowly raised himself up and then eased himself back down. That alone was enough to get a satisfied noise out of Sirius. Steadily, though still slowly, they built up a rhythm. Slowly Sirius stroked Remus’s cock until it was responsive and leaking into his palm.

Sirius gently wiped away one of the last of Remus’s tears as the taller man whimpered when he struck his prostate. Sirius snapped his hips upwards with every downward thrust Remus made for maximum impact. Their pace was slow but determined until finally it wasn’t enough. Sirius needed more friction. He pumped Remus’s large prick faster, encouraging him to move faster.

“Sirius, I—“ Remus started before he was cut off by his own moan. Sirius could tell by the way he tensed that he was close. His own moan echoed Remus as his favorite man rode him faster. Sirius clutched Remus’s hip and tightened his grip over the head of Remus’s cock. He twisted it, pressed the thumb over the darkened head, and Remus came with a strangled sort of groan. His body tightened around Sirius as he rode out the waves of his orgasm. He was still rolling his hips when Sirius came inside him with a loud moan. Slowly Remus lay down on top of Sirius’s slightly damp chest, being sure to keep Sirius where he was. He had wanted to be filled, dammit.

Sirius kissed Remus firmly while his arms wrapped tightly around Remus’s waist. They were quiet as they regained a normal breathing pattern. Sirius’s penis had gone limp inside Remus, but when he reached down to pull himself out, Remus had just brought his hand back up again. “Not yet, Sirius, please,” Remus whispered against Sirius’s throat.

“Okay,” Sirius agreed, even though he was uncomfortable, even though this side of the bed was way too warm, even though his throat was dry and he really needed a drink. To love someone was to endure discomfort. Sirius rather liked the sound of that. He could definitely become a poet after his current venture as a civil rights activist. Lily would be so proud. James would be ever so helpful. Walburga could go fuck herself.

“Talk to me.” Remus felt vulnerable and weak, and the silence was killing him.

“I think I’ll take up poetry,” Sirius said aloud.

“You’ll be the Poet Laureate this time next year,” Remus agreed with a slight chuckle. He had read some of Sirius’s poetry. It was uncouth, and his attempts at iambic pentameter were abysmal. Remus loved it.

“I’m glad you agree.”

“Love you, Padfoot,” Moony mumbled.

“Love you, Moony. You want some cake?” It was Sirius’s attempt to get Remus off of him without hurting Remus’s feelings. It worked. How strange it was to love another person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned, lovelies.


End file.
